[PSL] The New Day

[terribletwos]

So much had been going on since Roxas' return that he barely had time to process much of it. Between the final battle with Xehanort, the reunion with the Twilight Town Trio, the surprise trip to Destiny Islands and the general overwhelming and nearly unfathomable reality of his friends' presence, he'd been mostly operating on auto-pilot. Any sense of reflexion he might have otherwise squeezed in was all but pushed aside by Sora's sudden disappearance and the sense of unease and disorientation that followed. The lack of wholeness after months of being completely connected to another person, another self. It left him feeling lost in his own new Replica body and weighed down by a sense of loneliness, despite the abundance of friends, old and new, constantly around him.

Maybe that's why he decided against his typical refuge of the clock tower and instead found his way to the old mansion. Namine was no longer there of course, having taken up Riku's offer to spend some time at Destiny Islands, creating real memories to replace the ones she had invented for herself and Sora's friends. She had told him as much when she temporarily turned down his request to join everyone in Twilight Town. Unlike him and Xion, Twilight Town had never really been a home for Namine, just a place of false memory and regret.

Roxas delays stepping into the mansion, first glancing up at the window where he first got his glimpse of Namine, recalling everything that came after it. All of it eventually culminating in DiZ, no, Ansem summoning him here, where everything was supposed to end. And it would have, if not for Sora. The thought of his Other brings his hand to his chest, feeling the impossible heart beating there.

How is he supposed to explain this feeling of total disconnect to his friends? Even Xion wouldn't completely understand, having never been a true Nobody. Ventus might, but he's catching up with his own friends. And Namine still had Kairi at least.

He breathes out a heavy sigh, as he reaches to pull open the mansion door.

Comments

[hollabastiongirl]

Axel, meanwhile, is hoping to never do this again. It’s difficult to be so close and not react without thinking, his nuisance of a heart compelling him to do stupid things like touch, or…other things he won’t be thinking about again. Nothing can come of it, and it’s better to keep his distance until the feelings fade. He may be a bit of a masochist but complete self-torture isn’t really his style.

Still, he can’t bring himself to pull away yet. Not when Roxas’ fingers begin an unintentionally sensual slide from his jawline to his neck, lingering on the spot where his pulse quickens under his skin to meet Roxas’ touch. Axel shivers but not from cold. He’s burning up instead, a delicate flush coloring his cheeks. Unable to look at Roxas any longer, he shuts his eyes.

He needs to get the hell outta here.

Roxas says something he barely hears, trying to formulate an exit strategy. He needs to get away. Maybe he could fake a call? Isa urgently needs to meet him? Anything to get out from under Roxas’ gentle hands, keyblade calluses scraping pleasantly against Axel’s flesh and leaving heat in their wake. He’s hypersensitive, unaccustomed to so many sensations at once. It’s driving him crazy. As Roxas swipes another finger under his still-shut eye and trails down to his jaw in a motion even slower than before, Axel has to bite down on his bottom lip to keep from gasping aloud.

Damn it, he’s killing me.

“R-Roxas,” Axel begins to stammer breathlessly, though he doesn’t even get past the first vowel before Roxas says something that dries up the words in his mouth and has his eyes popping open in surprise. What people with hearts do…? What in the hell is he supposed to say to that?

Shit, shit, shit.

“Er…sorta? I mean…people with hearts do lots of things. This is…definitely a thing some people do.” People who were more than just friends. Or at least, that was Axel’s experience. He sure never got up close and personal like this with anyone other than Isa. But he can’t say that. He can’t say anything without giving himself away. Fuck. He’s gotta figure out an appropriate way to spin this. “Uh. People who are close do this. It’s a special thing though, not just for any time.”

[terribletwos]

Roxas doesn't question when Axel closes his eyes, assuming he's doing it for the same reason Roxas does, simply to lose himself in the heady feeling. His gaze is too fixed on Axel's shut eyes to catch the way Axel chews at his lip. Axel looks... different like this. In a way he can't really put a name on. Unguarded maybe? But that sounds too stiff. Vulnerable? No, that's not right either. But something about Axel's closed-eye expression makes Roxas' heart feel like it just did a high jump of its own.

He pauses stroking Axel's face when his friend begins to speak again. He needs to understand this better.

"People who are close do this."

"Oh, that makes sense," he says quietly, the tone he uses when absorbing new knowledge. "I don't think I'd like doing this with anyone else." Maybe it would be okay with Xion. But he's never really tried either. Largely because of his recent self-seclusion.

All he knows is that he does like touching Axel, that the sensations that initially frightened (and still do at times due to their unexpectedness) him now intrigue him. Is this what Axel meant when they spoke about love back then? How would he know? Should he ask? Then again, maybe this isn't the best place for that sort of discussion. Axel's kind of worn out as is.

He's about to draw his hand back when Axel finishes his explanation. A frown mars his expression, a sign of his habitual resistance against explanations that make no sense. "Not just for any time." He doesn't like the sound of that at all.

His hand drops to Axel's neck, his brow furrowing in confusion. "What do you mean a special thing? Like only for when you're both upset?" That sounds... really off. They hadn't done this back in the Keyblade Graveyard, when they all fell into each other's arms in a pile of tears and relieved sobs.

Okay, maybe the initial reason he had reached for Axel was to quell the attack on their shared memories. But that didn't change the fact that feeling Axel's skin against his own felt really good. He had barely noticed when his touches stopped being about staving off bad thoughts and more about experimenting with the way different kinds of touches sent different intensities of sensations racing through his body. It had to be more than just an emotional stand-in for a Curaga.

His fingers unconsciously curl at the back of Axel's neck, as his gaze shifts to the side. "Does that mean it's... weird to want to do it more often?" Is something still wrong with him, even now?

[hollabastiongirl]

”I don’t think I’d like doing this with anyone else.”

It’s an innocent statement, guilelessly offered. Roxas doesn’t have the sort of context he would need to understand what it implies. Yet all the same it burns the air in Axel’s lungs, a fist closing tight around his heart. It’s both wonderful and awful to hear, the pain of knowing Roxas couldn’t have meant it like that and the giddiness at those words being said at all colliding awkwardly in his chest and leaving him a muddled mess. He couldn’t pinpoint any single emotion he felt right now if his life depended on it.

As Roxas’ face comes back into focus, a familiar expression of puzzled displeasure fixed firmly in place, Axel amends his previous thought. He can name one emotion he’s feeling, and it’s dread. He knows—by the way his brows are drawn together; by the pouty frown pulling at his lips; by the undertone of annoyance in his voice as he questions him—that Roxas isn’t going to let this go until he gets a straight answer. One that makes sense to him, because clearly Axel’s weak explanation doesn’t.

He suppresses a sigh. What a disaster.

“Not exactly,” Axel mumbles, face carefully neutral. “It can be for comfort, sure. But the right time for this sort of thing should depend on the people doing it, hm? How comfortable they are with touch, how close they are to the person touching them.” Not how close they want to be, he thinks ruefully. “So your ‘right time’ might not be the same as mine, or anyone else’s. Boundaries, y’know?” God, bullshitting on the fly is harder than he remembers. Roxas really has him tongue-tied. “Maybe sometimes you don’t feel like being touched. Everyone has those moments.”

Axel pauses, giving himself a second to regroup. Being the big hypocritical jerk that he is, he wraps a hand loosely around Roxas’ wrist to steady himself, thumb brushing rhythmically across his skin. Roxas’ fingers curl against the back of his neck at about the same time, raising goosebumps along Axel’s arms. He shivers. Then he frowns, Roxas’ last question throwing him for a loop.

“No way,” Axel consoles him quickly, eager to soothe away Roxas’ worries, “it’s not weird at all. Pretty natural when you’re getting closer with somebody, actually. The closer you are to somebody, the more often this sort of touch is appropriate. You wouldn’t touch a casual friend like this, right? A close friend is fine, but it’s kind of…intimate to be an all-the-time thing. People usually save that for their partners.”

[terribletwos]

Roxas annoyance fades slightly, as he tries to listen to Axel clarify his earlier words, slot them into his own understanding of him and Axel. Axel has never shown reluctance toward touching him. Well, except for the puzzling way he's been acting today, cutting off most attempts on contact entirely too quickly for Roxas' liking. But a lot has been going on throughout their mansion recap so Roxas can't really blame him for being more jittery than usual. And Axel hasn't tried to break off this time. Maybe he just prefers Roxas initiating things now. Maybe it's some lingering guilt over everything that happened in Organization and he needs to know Roxas is okay with that sort of thing.

The feeling of Axel's fingers wrapping over his wrist, that thumb gliding over his skin in the same way Roxas' fingers had slid over Axel's check, only reaffirms his thoughts. Axel doesn't mind touching him. He just needs some kind of permission.

He tries to form his next words over the light buzz spreading across his skin at every movement of Axel's thumb, like a much fainter version of the aftereffects of a thunder spell. "But you like it, right? I don't mind if you do." I want you to. He swallows over his next sentence, unsure how it will sound. But Axel had said this was about boundaries. How's he supposed to reassure him if he doesn't let him know? "I... like it too. I mean, you touching me. It feels weird sometimes. But it doesn't feel like a bad weird. Just... really different. And... it's you."

Axel's next words bring Roxas face back to him, his self conscious expression replaced with one of uncertainty as he tries to process these new intricacies to when this kind of touching is okay. "We're partners." At least they had been back in those days. Him, Axel and Xion. "So it's fine for us, right?"

Part of him suspects Axel is referring to a different kind of partner. Probably more like Belle and Beast. Beast had seemed so tender with her. But maybe Roxas just wants the excuse to keep exploring these new feelings. Especially with the person he's always been most close to. After all, hadn't Axel said that these desires are natural the closer you are to somebody?

But... does Axel want that? He can't stop the invasive thought from creeping into his mind. Axel's probably had so many experiences. Maybe he even used to do this sort of thing with Saix. Those longing looks Saix always gave him. The gentle way Axel had held him when he faded out. Maybe Axel wants to go back to that instead.

His teeth worry his lip without him realizing it. It feels like it's getting harder to breathe. His fingers dig into Axel's neck. Guilt spikes through him. Is it wrong that he doesn't want Axel to go back to anyone else?

The words spill out of his mouth in a rush of uncontrolled emotion, as he forces his fingers to relax again. "I-I mean, as long as you want to." You do want to, right?

[hollabastiongirl]

Axel listens with rapt attention as Roxas speaks, valiantly stumbling over his words to try and get the point across that he very much likes Axel touching him, and he’d very much like it to continue, please and thank you. It’s endearing—heart-wrenchingly so. Axel just doesn’t quite know what it all means, too tired to comb through every little syllable like he otherwise might in search of answers. But he does know one thing: Roxas sounds uncertain. The very first thing out of his mouth had been, ”but you like it, right?” in a tone of voice that told Axel he’d be heartbroken if Axel didn’t.

Luckily for both of them, though, he does in fact ‘like it.’ A little too much if he’s being honest with himself. Axel sometimes can’t keep his hands off him; poking him, nudging him, ruffling his hair. It’s always been that way, now that he thinks it over. Huh. Better not to dwell on that for long.

“‘Course I do,” he tells Roxas emphatically, directly meeting his eyes as they swing back towards him. “I wouldn’t do it so much if I didn’t like it.”

That’s about as much as he gets out before Roxas threatens his entire composure by casually calling them partners. He knows what he means, he does, but Axel still has to fight not to choke on his own spit, only just barely managing to keep the grimace off his face. His grip on Roxas’ wrist tightens ever-so-slightly as he silently considers what the hell he can even say to that, feeling the dried blood on his palm flaking off against Roxas’ skin.

Axel’s been in some tough spots before, and the stakes of this choice don’t even clear the Top Ten. So why does it feel like this decision is so volatile, like a live time-bomb ticking menacingly in his hand? It’s a simple misunderstanding, easily corrected. He can be gentle about it, no need for Roxas to feel embarrassed. He should tell him. Right? He should.

But… Roxas isn’t stupid. He’s fairly new to the universe, a little naive. But Axel has this inkling that Roxas knew what he’d meant by partner, and chose to say what he did anyway. So if Axel corrected him, explicitly spelled out his intended definition, would Roxas take it as rejection? Would he assume Axel was saying flat-out that these touches weren’t okay for them, when Axel actually felt the opposite way? He isn’t willing to take that chance. He just hopes it doesn’t come back to bite him in the ass later.

And as Roxas stammers, ”I-I mean, as long as you want to,” Axel knows he’s made the right decision.

“Yeah,” Axel says, flashing the most reassuring grin he can when his whole foundation feels shaky. “Yes. It’s fine for us. Great, actually.”

Uh huh, the most sarcastic of his inner voices drawls. Juuust great.

[terribletwos]

Satisfaction fills Roxas' eyes at Axel's agreement with his assessment. He hadn't read Axel wrong after all. Axel's even acknowledging how often he used to touch him. Not like the way he's touching him now. But it had been different then, right? Their hearts hadn't really been ready to manage something truly intimate. They likely would have written it off as an accident or, even worse, tried to convince themselves that any feelings they thought they felt were just mimicry of the normal people they spent so much time observing. Yeah, it's much better that they tried this now, when they could actually trust their own reactions.

"I thought so," he replies in a tone that blends shyness and shades of renewed confidence seamlessly. "You always look happy."

But if Roxas had shown signs of a brightening expression after that confirmation, his smile becomes absolutely radiant when he hears that "great". His cheeks are redder now, a little surprised at such a bold response. Especially after the way Axel had seemed to dance around this being okay for them earlier. Maybe his reassurances about his own feelings actually worked. He feels lightheaded, like he's not sure what to do next.

So he finally surrenders to that building impulse to throw himself into Axel, which involves him hitting his knees as he's tossing his arms around Axel's shoulders, pulling him to his level. It's a lot more comfortable than standing, even if that had evened out their height difference. But he can give up that advantage if it means getting to hold Axel without feeling like he's about to burst into tears.

Their faces are so close together that Roxas can see each shade that makes up the mesmerizing green of Axel's eyes. Wow, were they always this bright? They're really cool up close, really... nice.

"Yeah... great..." he breathes in an airy tone, drunk on sheer adrenaline and happiness. There's a new intensity in his eyes, bolstered by that growing confidence, that cockiness Roxas always adopts when he's set himself to a task. The flush is still hot on his cheeks, causing them to practically burn. But he's too deep in the moment to care. "Because I don't want to stop anytime soon."

As if to emphasize his point, he sets his head against Axel's forehead again.

[hollabastiongirl]

When Roxas shyly tells him that he always looks happy touching him, all Axel can do is smile helplessly. It’s not untrue, though at the moment the assessment may be a little oversimplified. There’s a great number of things he feels right now, this prolonged physical contact both exciting and terrifying, and he still can’t put his finger on any one emotion. There’s a messy tangle of them in his chest, catching in his throat every time he so much as breathes. It’s suffocating, frankly. A little too much at once.

That’s why Axel can’t help but freeze up as Roxas happily launches himself into him, arms going around Axel’s neck and yanking him down to a more hug-accessible level. This hunched over position is hardly comfortable for him but Axel endures, the blindingly radiant joy on Roxas’ face enough to quell any verbal complaints. He loops an arm around Roxas’ waist rather than saying anything, hesitantly returning the embrace.

Roxas’ eyes are big and round as he stares up into Axel’s, lit up and glowing with emotion like lanterns. As he says something Axel doesn’t get the chance to process and presses their foreheads together once more, Axel’s inner emotional landscape goes suddenly flat. It’s a curious numbness, not completely unlike being a Nobody, and it should probably be alarming. Instead it’s a relief, the unexpected detachment making it much easier to relax. He closes his eyes, melting into the sensation of Roxas’ arms around him. The tension leaks from his body like air out of a balloon.

He doesn’t want to stop anytime soon. That’s what Roxas had said. Axel isn’t sure what think to about that, but he’ll worry about it later.

With a soft sigh he brings up a hand to the nape of Roxas’ neck, fingers teasing the little golden curls at the edge of his hairline. “Well, get your fill now,” he murmurs in his typical lazy drawl, holding back a yawn. It’d be rude since he’s basically right in Roxas’ face. He’s just exhausted, slumping like a marionette with its strings severed. Makes sense after the drama of today, not to mention all the shitty sleep he’s been getting since his recompletion. It’s been a long time since he’s managed a full night of sleep. “After we get some lunch I think I’m gonna take a week-long nap. If I can even make it to lunch. I could probably pass out right here.”

[terribletwos]

Roxas makes a low sound of contentment when he feels Axel finally relax. Adrenaline and the thrill of discovering new feelings had pushed Roxas though much of his lingering anxieties. They were still there, of course, ready to be awakened by particular triggers. It would probably be a long time before they faded completely. But for now, they're pushed far enough back in his mind that he can just focus on the rush of sensations cresting over him, the intoxicating warmth that flows from his chest to the very tips of his fingers and toes, like he's resting on the beach beneath the hot sun.

But even with all those fascinating changes, it's so much better to see Axel escape that tension he had been snared in since they entered the Basement Hall. Especially since it was Roxas' fault that they came to this room in the first place. A reminder that makes Roxas tighten his hold, inadvertently pulling Axel closer.

He lifts his head at that light ticklish touch to his neck (that one feeling more like a quick volt to his senses). It allows him to take in the whole Axel says about getting his fill, as well as Axel's immensely exhausted state. He unwinds his arms and lets them drop to Axel's sides instead so that he's no longer bowing him over. It's not quite as satisfying as the other hold, but it's still a connection. More important, it's probably a lot more comfortable for Axel.

He rocks back a little on his haunches and gives one of his light breaths that substitutes as a laugh. "Maybe when you don't look like you've been hit by a Sleep cast. Besides, we have lots of time now." No more need to count each day. His smile grows soft, wistful. "We can be together as much as we want." It's still hard to believe.

His suspicion about Axel's state proves right when Axel makes his offhand remark about taking a nap. Roxas laughs close by his ear. "Don't even think about it. There's no way I'd be able to carry you all the way back. And it's going to be really hard to explain to the townspeople why I'm dragging an unconscious body through the streets."

That said, he really doesn't want Axel to pass out here. He can only imagine the nightmares that might evoke. And waking up here wouldn't be great either. Not to mention that it would involve leaving Roxas alone with his own memories. He quickly shakes off the intrusive thoughts that try to sneak back in.

Roxas searches for Axel's hands and tries to gather his feet beneath him to stand up again, attempting to lift Axel at the same time. "Come on, it's time to get out of here anyway. I got what I needed." His eyes are still bright, resolute. He's taken the first step at least, proven to himself that he might actually be capable of handling this daunting task of living, of moving past who he was so he can figure out who he wants to be. And who he wants beside him on that journey. "How 'bout you?"

He's not going to mention Axel's earlier intention of scoping out the place since he figures they've been spent enough time to not want to revisit it for a very long time. If ever.

"It might be nice to crash on the beach."

[hollabastiongirl]

Roxas pulls him closer for just a second, his hold bowing him over. Then he lets him go. Axel blinks blearily as he straightens up, wondering for a moment what that was about before he decides to let it go. Roxas still looks fine. Happy, even. Talking about how they can have all the time they want together now, his smile mellow. Axel returns it with an easy grin of his own and ruffles his hair, saying, “that’s right. You’re stuck with me now, man. Good luck.”

This lighthearted teasing is good. Familiar. Roxas’ breathy laugh in his ear, Axel helpless to join in as he imagines Roxas dragging him bodily through town by the ankles. It’s comforting after a long day of stress, this soft, casual intimacy between them warming his insides and melting away some of the icy numbness. It leaves behind a delicate happiness, like sunbeams beginning to filter through the dark clouds of a receding storm. It’s good. It’s bearable. He can handle this.

Things are finally settling.

It’s obvious from the bright sheen of Roxas’ eyes that he thinks so too. He’s practically glowing as he talks, telling Axel he got what he needed. Asking if Axel did, too. “Ask me again tomorrow,” he mumbles around a yawn as Roxas begins to haul him up, trying to rise on legs gone partially numb from his prolonged kneeling. “Think I need a bit more than twenty minutes to process all this.”

He’s just about halfway standing when Roxas mentions crashing on the beach. Axel gets the chance to grimace and say, “that’s a good way to get sand in—“ before his right knee suddenly gives out and he loses his balance, unthinkingly trying to use Roxas’ much smaller weight to catch himself. It obviously doesn’t work—Axel goes down and takes Roxas with him, the two of them landing in a heap on the floor with a thump, Roxas smushed against his chest. Axel banged his head on the stupid metal floor.

“Shit, sorry!” he says breathlessly, though the fright from the fall was much worse than the actual impact. He realizes with a start that he has Roxas pulled tightly against him, likely in an attempt to brace him against Axel’s body so he didn’t hit his head, too. “Dunno how the hell that happened. Are you okay?”

[terribletwos]

Roxas is also adjusting to the return of their more light-hearted ribbing, letting it take him back to this sweet sunsets. It had been a while since they watched one with just the three of them. It wasn't that he didn't like have the whole gang around, even though going from three friends to a whole slew of them was something Roxas was still working on getting used to. But there was just something special about their sunsets.

Maybe something else they could think about once they grabbed something to eat. What time is it anyway? It's impossible to really tell this far down in the mansion, with all the artificial lights casting their own shine.

But any further consideration of these ideas comes to a screeching halt, as Axel suddenly loses his balance. Roxas feels the immediate increase in weight, yanking him forward and into a free fall. He doesn't even have time for a startled yelp or even to process his loss of footing before he's slamming into Axel's slight chest, as Axel's head makes contact with the floor, followed by a concerningly loud thud.

"Axel!"

His first thoughts are about Axel's safety, seeing as his best friend had taken the brunt of the fall. His second, as he tries to shift against Axel to get a better look at his condition, become decidedly less external. The rising waves of warmth that he had been curiously chasing through increased physical contact transform into a blazing conflagration. Something roils uncomfortably in his gut and he feels a clamminess spreading over his neck and trailing down his spine.

The sensations come upon him too fast, too intense, fear and confusion start to overtake his innate curiosity. What's going on with him now? This isn't like the light buzzes or even the quick bursts of heat from before. This feels more like a hunger, uncontrollable.

He knows Axel is talking to him, he's asking him something. But Roxas can't make it out over the deafening sound of his heart crashing against his chest like a wild creature. Can Axel hear it too?

The arm around him is suddenly a cage. He can feel his flight reflexes kicking in, as he tenses against Axel. He sucks in a breath, trying to fight back this overwhelming anxiety. What's wrong with him? This is Axel. He's not scared of Axel. He just. He really needs these new sensations to ease up, to let him think. And right now, being this close to Axel is making everything so much worse. Making him want more. More what?

"T-Too much," he manages to gasp out over Axel's shirt. He can barely see him through the reddish haze that's colored his vision. "Let go."

He needs to get up. He needs to move. Then he can figure out what's going on.

[hollabastiongirl]

“Rox?” Axel prods as he gets no answer. Roxas has gone stone-still against him, barely so much as breathing. Axel lifts his aching head to peer down at the unruly mop of blonde hair resting over his chest, eyes widening in alarm as he realizes Roxas is shaking like a leaf in the wind. “Hey, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

Still no answer. Shit.

As Axel goes to sit them up and sweep him for injury, Roxas finally speaks, his typically soft voice gone rough with panic. Axel’s so startled he doesn’t catch the first thing he says, but the next thing is crystal clear; a frantic order that has Axel rip his arm away as though struck by Blizzaga—”let go.”

Roxas scrambles away, allowing Axel to sit up as slowly and calmly as he can. He scoots himself away as he does, trying to put further distance between them. His hair is standing on end, senses screaming at him that there’s danger in this room, though a quick glance confirms his suspicions. There’s nothing here but them. No enemies crawling out of the shadows. It can only be Roxas, who looks as wild and fearful as a cornered animal, filling the air with the sharp, tingly scent of his power. Axel shivers. Digs his nails into his palm again, drawing crescent moons of blood.

Okay. Everything is okay.

“Sorry,” Axel says after a moment has passed, long enough for Roxas to catch his breath. He isn’t sure what he did, but can only imagine that this is his fault. “Roxas? You hear me? I’m sorry. It’s okay.”

[terribletwos]

Much to Roxas' dismay, the heat that has practically consumed him doesn't really die down with the separation. And although that alarming craving feeling is slowly slinking back, he still can't help feeling a little queasy, as the truth of the last few moments returns to him with stunning clarity, especially as he notices how much distance Axel has put between them. Worse is the guilty, hurt tone in Axel's voice as he tries to apologize to him. As if he did anything.

He rejected him. Ever since trying to escape the horrors of this room, Roxas has done nothing but reinforce how much he wants Axel around. Around him. He had wanted to make that explicitly clear, even if he doesn't fully understand why it feels so great to be around Axel. Even greater the closer he brought Axel to him. And now, just as Axel is finally beginning to warm up to the idea despite their rocky past, he goes and pulls this. Why is he so stupid sometimes?

He hadn't been able to help it. Those feelings, they were all but smothering him. They're still hard to get fully back under control, even now. He still feels like his body is no longer familiar to him. Well, it is new. Maybe that has something to do with this. A Replica thing? Maybe this is some side effect of the Replica body and his new heart? Does that mean it's not compatible?

The thought makes him wrap his arms around himself, still breathing much too hard, before the less panicked part of his brain reminds him that he's not the only one freaking out right now. He can figure out this compatibility issue later. He has to fix the mess he made first.

He rubs harshly at the back of his neck, both angry and extremely embarrassed with himself. This time the blush reaches down to his throat, fiery and unmistakable.

"You... didn't do anything," he tries, sitting up fully. He offers his own apologetic look. "So don't apologize, okay? I'm all right. I just..." Freaked myself out. "I guess this new body is still adjusting to everything."

He shakes his head. He's doing a really awful job of explaining this. "I don't know, it was like everything just felt too intense all of the sudden. I couldn't deal with it." His gaze drops. "I'm the one who should be sorry. If it hadn't been for you protecting me, I'd probably have a horrible headache right—Wait, the fall! Are you okay?" Roxas scrambles back to his feet, his renewed concern proving an effective douse for the remaining heat in his body. "You hit your head."

He rushes back to Axel before he can stop himself. He almost freezes again when he detects the faintest scent of copper. "Are you bleeding?" Since that's now something they have to actually worry about. "I don't know if I have a potion on me..."

[hollabastiongirl]

Axel watches with wary eyes as Roxas settles himself, meticulously noting every twitch of movement with an assassin’s focus: a shudder; heaving breaths; a twitch of his fingers, possibly for a weapon; and flashes of raw emotion across his face, too quick for Axel to name. Roxas cradles himself for just a moment before he seems to shake it off, glancing up at Axel with an apology in his eyes and a deep flush of pink staining his cheeks. Axel follows it down to the hollow of Roxas’ throat, mouth inexplicably dry. The color suits him. Axel looks away.

“You…didn’t do anything,” Roxas says, sounding small. Confused, as though he doesn’t know quite what happened himself. His explanation is clumsy and vague, and perhaps if Axel hadn’t just spent the last few minutes analyzing Roxas’ every move, he might’ve dismissed it without further thought. But there’s something about the way he says intense, the word rolling across his tongue with an unmistakable heat; it rings a little bell in the back of Axel’s mind, the pieces of the puzzle coming together with a resolute click. All the touching, that blush, the short-circuiting of his brain as they were pressed up against each other that led to this little meltdown in the first place…

Oh… It’s about all he can think, shell-shocked. Oh. He…

“I’m fine, don’t be sorry,” Axel says distantly as Roxas frets over him, approaching on quick feet. He’s smelled the blood and it’s a problem, but Axel can’t seem to shift gears. He’s caught on the possibility—it’s not a fact, you can’t know for sure—that his attraction to Roxas isn’t completely one-sided. That Roxas might be experiencing them too, these feelings that’ve been following Axel insistently all day like an overeager salesman.

It’s hard to swallow, literally and figuratively. There’s a lump in his throat as he glances up to Roxas’ face. The blush still lingers on his skin, sweetening his delicate features. He’s beautiful.

Crap. Quit staring, you look like an idiot.

“Uh, a potion, right.” Axel snaps himself out of his stupor and fishes in his pocket for one, unfortunately coming up empty. Figures. Double crap. “Hey, no worries. Just a bump on the head, I’ll live.”

[terribletwos]

Axel's dawning realizations, as well as his wandering gaze, hardly register for Roxas, as fixated as he is on Axel's condition. He can't see any blood right off, but something must be bleeding. He drops to his knees beside Axel to he can get a better look, even as he searches his own jacket for any kind of restorative. Nothing.

Looking somewhat defeated, he turns a worried expression toward Axel. "Are you sure? That was a really loud thud." And he knows just how unpleasant this floor is to smash into. The metal surface was far more unforgiving than most interiors. "I can check for you." Maybe they can apply pressure to it at the very least. He's got enough layers for it. "Head wounds are supposed to be more dangerous." Though he's not sure where he heard that before; maybe he read it somewhere. Something to do with Struggle?

It occurs to him, as soon as he makes his request, that Axel might be more wary of contact after Roxas' last episode. It's not like he could blame Axel if he were. He can only imagine what he must have looked like to Axel in the throes of his panic attack. Axel had told him not to feel sorry about it (though he had barely managed to look at Roxas then), but Roxas finds it hard to shake the thought of having made a total spaz of himself. So much for finally feeling more normal.

He grips at a pant leg. Ugh, stop obsessing over it. He's supposed to be making sure Axel is all right. Beyond just the fall itself is the fact that Axel had fell in the first place. Is something wrong with his legs as well? He chances a glance over to see if he notices anything off or any sign of trembling that would suggest limb trauma. (Thankfully, he completely misses Axel's hand since it happens to still be in Axel's pocket amid his search for a potion.)

It doesn't help that Axel hasn't really tried to get up since he fell either. His attempt to give Roxas his space had been accomplished primarily by scuttling backward. Though that might also be related to the general shock and quick response to Roxas' outburst. Another wave of guilt bears down on him, with all the fury of a giant Heartless, causing his shoulders to slump.

"What happened anyway? It was like you just went limp." He asks quickly to redirect his thoughts. "It was kind of scary." Though hearing Axel's head thwack against the floor had been way scarier. Another sobering reminder of their inescapable mortality. Just thinking about it causes Roxas to dig his nails into the cloth of his pants. He hates it.

[hollabastiongirl]

“I’m fine, Roxas. Really.” Axel smiles sheepishly as Roxas drops to his knee to look him over, brows furrowed with concern. He isn’t wrong that head wounds can be serious, but Axel isn’t particularly worried. The spot he bumped aches a little, and his back is a little sore, but it’s hardly a blip on his radar. He’s had much worse many times, so his pain threshold may be slightly skewed. Probably he should talk to one of the eggheads about that. He’ll get around to it eventually. “100% sure, I’m okay. I’ve got a hard head. But if it’ll make you feel better, you can take a look.”

He isn’t especially eager to have Roxas’ hands on him again so soon, but that’s more a product of his own hang-ups than anything Roxas did. Axel sees the way he clutches at his pant-leg, the flicker of guilt that crosses his face. Roxas feels bad, but he do anything wrong. Axel had felt the exact same way earlier, stuffy and overwhelmed, Roxas too close but not nearly close enough. He’s simply better equipped to keep unruly emotions caged under lock and key, having lived many more years than Roxas has.

Ugh, no. Not the time to think about that. He’ll have plenty of time to lose his mind about it later.

For now Axel focuses on Roxas, frowning at the lingering signs of guilt clinging to his person like a film. He’s slumping in on himself again, as if the size of his worries are a physical weight across his shoulders. Axel wants to reach out, to help unburden him, but for once the blood on his hands is literal and he’d prefer to keep Roxas in the dark about his many issues for as long as he can. Or at least until he has the time to sort through the mess of them himself.

“Hmm? Oh,” Axel says with a thoughtless little wave from the hand not stuck in his pocket, “my knee gave out. It’s fine, just knelt on this stupid metal floor too long and my legs went a bit numb. Happens, nothing to worry about.” Though he now wants to kick Ansem in more places than just the shin for designing this bullshit nightmare-of-a-room. Scientists and their damn laboratories, always had to be creepy and sterile and dark. “Hey, though…are you okay?”

[terribletwos]

Despite his frazzled nerves, the edge of Roxas' mouth curves slightly upward at Axel's comment about having a hard head. "You said it, not me." The smile turns into something more relaxed as Axel grants him permission to check things out. They're okay. He might not know what's going on with this weird body, but they're still okay.

He wastes no time setting himself to the task at hand, his mind quickly shifting to mission mode. He pulls away the hand that's been grasping at his pant leg and reaches for the back of Axel's head. The gentle heat of before returns, making the contrast between it and the firestorm of the last few minutes all the more apparent. He carefully moves his fingers along the back of Axel's head, threading through the thick spikes (they're more ticklish than he expected) in search of either a worrisome lump or the sticky sign of blood.

Since the investigation relies more on touch than sight, he's free to pay more attention to Axel's face throughout the process, looking for both hints of pain or discomfort. He's well aware that Axel can easily hide anything he doesn't want Roxas to notice, but the temptation to keep his eyes on Axel is just too great. He's still trying to pin down the word Axel's face evokes when it's this close.

Which means that the flaked blood on Axel's hand no longer escapes his notice when Axel tries to wave him off. He grasps for that wrist. "Forget about me. What about this? Did you cut yourself on something when you fell?" The amount of blood doesn't suggest a deep injury, just an aggravated one. Especially because some of bloody smears on that hand look fresher than others, indicating possible reopening of a wound.

He tries to concentrate on the other things Axel is saying. Something about numb legs and it happening more than once. Ugh, he really should have helped Axel to his feet a lot sooner. He'd been too hung up on his touching as much of Axel as possible. He's going to have to learn to pace himself. It would also probably help to make sure Axel isn't too zoned out.

With Axel's wrist in his grip, he resists the urge to rub at his neck and settles for cringing lightly. "Sorry about that. I guess I got a little carried away after all the bad memory stuff."

[hollabastiongirl]

Roxas’ hand running through his hair is…nice. Too nice. Axel knows it’s a perfunctory search for injuries, but the sensation of finger-pads dragging slowly along his scalp sends pleasing tingles cascading down his spine in a shivery waterfall. His eyelids droop, a soft wave of lethargy washing over him and making him reconsider his earlier idea of taking a nap right there on this cold steel floor, nightmares be damned.

He’s so tired. How does he keep forgetting about that? He must be running on fumes.

Still, he says nothing as Roxas continues his examination, eyes bleary and unfocused. Roxas’ full attention on him goes unnoticed, though only because he’s struggling not to just lean forward and take a quick nap on Roxas’ shoulder while he works. He certainly notices the hand that catches his wrist, though, Roxas’ melodic voice reaching him slowly through his mental fog. “Huh?” he says, blinking away the haze to instinctively seek out the blue of Roxas’ eyes. They’re narrowed in consternation, studying his palm. Axel has to stop himself from wrenching his wrist away. Uh oh.

Well. He’s certainly awake now.

“Must’ve sliced myself with my nails as I fell. In surprise, y’know?” Axel says this evenly, face carefully constructed in a living mask. Neutral mostly, with a hint of embarrassment. It was believable as long as he didn’t let Roxas see the matching marks on his other hand. “They’re getting kinda long—haven’t spent much time on personal grooming lately. Sorry, guess that must be where the blood came from.”

He feels bad about lying. He does. But he’s dead on his feet, much too exhausted to even consider telling Roxas about the way pain helps to center him—how he used it for many, many years as a way to feel something, anything, and is using it again now as a way to cut too-big emotions down to size. Emotional regulation. It would probably send Roxas into another spiral of guilt, which is, while understandable, something Axel seriously cannot deal with right now. If he wants to make it out of this mansion with his sanity still intact, lying is his only option.

Roxas ends up changing the subject himself anyway, sheepishly apologizing for his part in keeping Axel on his knees too long. “As if you could hold me down even if you wanted to,” he teases, flashing a grin. “No need to be sorry. I wasn’t doing anything I didn’t want to do. So relax, Rox. Everything is fine.” Sort of. “It would be better, though, if we could actually get the hell out of here.”

[terribletwos]

Roxas doesn't question the explanation. It's weird but not impossible. And even if Axel is acting off, doing that unreadable thing he does for who knows why this time, he figures unpacking that particular mystery can wait until they've both recovered from their recent emotional maelstrom. He's definitely caught onto the fact that Axel looks really dead on his feet, those eyes struggling to fully focus and the occasional tilt of Axel's body toward him before Axel course corrects and straightens so quickly that Roxas would have missed the whole thing if he wasn't currently watching him with intent.

(Not that he would mind if Axel decided to crash on him, other than a possible struggle to actually manage his weight. Or unless that other feeling came back...)

At least the cut isn't bad, though he can't help lightly rubbing off more of the dried blood with his thumb. He hates seeing it on Axel.

"I didn't know you usually cut them," he muses as he brushes away the remaining blood flakes.

Honestly, he doesn't know much about nails at all, given how most of Organization wore gloves constantly. Being able to even see Axel's hands was a new experience in of itself. He curiously turns Axel's hand to the side to peer at the nails in question. They don't look that long to him. But they also look nicer than Axel made them sound. Or maybe that's just the novelty of looking at them this way.

He snaps out of the daze he didn't even realize he was in when Axel's voice cuts back in, joking about Roxas being unable to hold him down. That smartass rebellious streak in him flares up on cue. He gives a small toss of his head. "I don't know about that. I bet I could keep you down."

Axel's next comment sobers him up again, reminding him of his latest apology. It feels like he's been apologizing a lot today. But it's also reassuring to hear that Axel had been happy with the attention, even if his legs hadn't been doing so great. Roxas gives him an accepting nod.

Still, it's way past time they addressed the exhaustion that contributed to Axel's less than steady legs. "Yeah," he adjusts his hold on Axel's wrist and gathers his feet under him again. "Ready to try again?" At least they're closer to a wall this time. Axel might be able to use it for more leverage. And Roxas is definitely more prepared for any potential spills. "Let's take it slow this time."

[hollabastiongirl]

Fortunately for the both of them, if Roxas notices Axel’s lie he doesn’t call him on it. Seems they’ve reached a tremulous and unspoken agreement not to dredge up anymore drama today, which suits Axel just fine. Navigating emotionally fraught conversations and dealing with the nuisance of all-consuming emotions is beyond exhausting. Axel isn’t cut out for this crap.

Still, there are things that make it worthwhile. Roxas’ thumb gliding along the sensitive skin of his palm, rubbing away the dried blood. The dulcet murmur of Roxas’ voice as he speaks, curiously studying Axel’s hand like he’s never really seen it before (“Well, yeah. Most people cut their nails, Rox.”). Roxas’ blue, blue eyes, so deep it’s almost like swimming in an endless ocean when Axel meets them. Roxas is worth it. Roxas makes it worthwhile.

Roxas is going to be his goddamn undoing. ”I don’t know about that,” he says to Axel’s teasing with a smug little toss of his head and a smirk to match. ”I bet I could keep you down.”

A wicked heat twists in Axel’s gut in response, which he steadfastly ignores. He also ignores the part of him that’s eager to rise to the challenge, suppressing a smirk of his own and swallowing down a roguish purr of, ”prove it,” before he can make a fool of himself. The blush warming his cheeks is embarrassing enough. He simply rolls his eyes with an uneven grin, grumbling “uh huh” in mock exasperation.

What he really is is flustered, but he refuses to think about that.

When Roxas stands and asks if he’s ready, Axel nods, sucking in a breath. “Ready.” As much as he wants to get the hell out of here, he follows Roxas’ advice to take it slow. They don’t rush, and between a wall to brace himself against and Roxas’ iron grip Axel is on his feet again. Thankfully his knees hold out this time. He would cry in relief if he wasn’t sick to death of tears already, settling for a joint-popping stretch and a yawn instead.

“All right, tough guy,” Axel says with a playful smile. “Lead the way.”

[terribletwos]

Roxas' tiny smirk only grows at Axel's over the top response. Far too used to such clapbacks from days spent in playful competition over Heartless hunts or mission completion times. It gave the usually mundane activities a new sense of excitement and challenge. And it was a way to maintain their connection at times that their missions kept them apart, which was far more often than Roxas liked. Days of coming back to the clock tower to embellish on their accomplishments and argue their case for winning. He's not surprised how easily they can fall back into their patterns, even in this place.

Though it doesn't explain Axel's sudden blush. Nothing either of them had said was particularly embarrassing. Unless Axel is just self conscious about the reality of his current condition.

He shakes off the thought (it can wait) in favor of helping Axel to his feet. Properly this time. He rewards Axel's efforts with an appraising smile, just as relieved as Axel that they can finally put this place far behind them. For now at least.

The hold around Axel's wrist is probably no longer necessary. But Axel had said to lead the way. And this was a form of leading. Besides, it's insurance in case Axel loses his balance again. Funny how all his mental excuses sound unconvincing even to him.

Why does he need them anyway? Why can't he just want to hold onto Axel because he likes it? Hadn't Axel told him it wasn't weird to want things like this? Why's he making up explanations? Maybe he has been around Axel too long, too much time spent convincing themselves feelings weren't feelings.

No more of that nonsense. He's going to own his feelings from now on, all of them. Even the really confusing ones that he doesn't always have names for. He tugs Axel along the stairways and back to the entrance, pointedly no longer paying attention to any of it. He'd rather focus on the satisfaction of being able to guide Axel for a change.

He lingers on in doorway for another moment, turning back to Axel but keeping his gaze entirely on him. "I don't think Isa should stay here either." The words, which should be more along the persuasive tone, are unmistakably firm. Maybe it's bold to be making decisions for someone he barely talked to, but Saix being here means Axel would have to come back. And right now, Roxas feels as though he would personally bring the whole damn thing down with his Keyblades before he let that happen.

Flustered by the fierce compulsion, he turns away again and pulls them into the front yard, heading toward the iron gate. "What are you feeling like eating right now? I don't think ice cream's going to cut it." And his meal knowledge is still pathetically limited, though he has been reading up on that. "I'll let you pick since you helped me out today."

[hollabastiongirl]

Roxas leads him room by room, the firm grip on Axel’s wrist no longer feeling like iron shackles dragging him headlong into the inky darkness of the past. Instead it reminds him of a lifeline, a connection—a beacon of warm, golden light illuminating his way to heart and home. Axel allows himself a sentimental smile. Roxas has guided him many times, whether he knows it or not.

One day Axel will be sure to thank him for it. Maybe even soon.

Roxas pauses at the threshold of the front doors, turning to snare Axel in his gaze like a spider spinning its web. Axel’s blinks, the vehemence of Roxas’ recommendation that Isa not stay in the mansion a force that knocks any possible response clear out of his head. He can only nod dumbly and follow along outside, taking one last fleeting look behind him as they meander towards the iron-wrought gates. The doors have clicked shut resolutely after their exit, a physical barrier between them and a slew of memories that Axel feels could’ve happened just yesterday and yet also a lifetime ago. It’s a strange sensation.

Roxas then steals him away from his thoughts again, his innocuous question about food a welcome distraction from the uneasiness that still lingers within him like smoke after a fire. “Uh…” Axel tries to think through their options. What does he even feel like eating? Something quick and filling, probably, so he can get to bed sooner. He’s pining for a nap. “Mickey’s Diner is fine. They’ve got these peppery omelettes that Isa says I’d really like.”

Isa remembering Lea’s love of spicy food had been unexpected and oddly sweet. The two of them had occasionally been getting together for breakfast in a half-assed attempt to spend time together, which is when Isa had brought up Mickey’s and the spicy omelette. Axel’s been looking forward to trying it. Isa won’t care if he goes with Roxas, even if it had been Isa’s idea. He can always go again with Isa.

So why does he feel bad?

Brushing off the writhing guilt prickling at his insides, Axel clarifies with Roxas, “Sound okay to you?”

[terribletwos]

"Isa suggested it... ?"

Something flickers in Roxas' eyes at the mention of Saix. It's like a heavy weight suddenly attached itself to something in his throat, leaving it painfully tight. He feels a sharp twist to his insides.

Sure, he brought Saix up when he mentioned him not staying at the mansion, but it's different when Axel does it. Especially since it's a reminder of how well Saix knows Axel, compared to Roxas. He doesn't know much about Axel's human preferences. Though maybe he could have guessed he liked spicy things if he really thought about it. But that would also require him to think about food beyond ice cream, watermelon and pretzels, the only staples he's truly familiar with.

The already unpleasant sensations are joined by something more bitter. Maybe he should tell Axel he wants to go somewhere else. Does he really want to go to a place Saix recommended when it's him and Axel hanging out right now? Their time.

As soon as the thought sneaks its way into his head so does the rush of guilt. There's nothing... wrong with Axel wanting to visit somewhere Saix suggested. If it makes him happy after all the misery they've been through today, isn't that a good thing? Only a real jerk would stand in the way of his friend's happiness just because he didn't really like the person associated with that happiness.

(Besides, if they go to this place, maybe it can be something Axel associates with Roxas as well. A new memory.)

He only just realizes the increased pressure he's put on Axel's wrist and quickly loosens it when he turns back and nods. "Um, sure. It would be nice to try some different flavors. I wonder how big the menu is." He starts to move them along again, eager to push away his previous hang-up. "What others kinds of foods do you like? Maybe we can go somewhere with Xion tomorrow." Start properly fixing their little trio. Experiencing the life Sora fought so hard for them to have.

[hollabastiongirl]

“…Uh huh,” Axel says, brows furrowed. He’s not sure why it matters who recommend the place, but he’s too tired to bother figuring it out. The ruffled edge to Roxas’ voice isn’t completely out of place, after all—he most certainly isn’t Isa’s biggest fan, and for good reason. Neither is Xion. No one could possibly expect them to be, least of all Isa.

He’d mentioned that, during the most recent awkward breakfast. It had been the one and only time Roxas and Xion had come up, and it was only long enough for Isa to float the mansion idea and stress that he doesn’t expect their forgiveness nor is he sure that he can even accept it. Axel had shrugged, quick to change the subject. He doesn’t like talking to Isa about them. When he’s feeling particularly uncharitable about their shared past, he sometimes wants to tell Isa to keep their names’ out of his nasty, feral mouth.

Clearly, he hasn’t forgiven Isa completely either. All Axel can do is try.

He’s snapped out of his thoughts when Roxas briefly squeezes his wrist, his friend turning to nod an agreement. There’s a gleam of something in his eyes that passes too quickly for Axel to decipher, Roxas soon twisting back around to march them through the forest. Huh.

“It’s a diner,” Axel explains, “so they usually serve all kinds of things. Breakfast and lunch all day, even. Bet their menu is huge.“ His stomach is growling in eagerness just thinking about it, the faint nausea of the past however-long finally ebbing enough for him to feel hungry. He pats his empty belly with his free hand while Roxas asks him what kind of food he likes, sympathetic. Food’s coming up, quiet down. “Me? I’m not picky, I’ll eat anything. But sure, let’s go out. You and Xion should figure out your favorites. It’ll be fun. You can even invite the junior do-gooder guild, too.”

Even if they did all hate Axel’s guts.

As they make it out of the dank underground tunnels and back into town, Axel finally pulls his wrist away with a bleary smile, fighting down a yawn. He hopes Roxas understands. It’d just be a little embarrassing to be dragged through the streets by a veritable leash like the attack dog he once was. “By the way, I have no idea where this place is. Isa may’ve said, but I only listen about half the time.” He shrugs, careless. “Old habits die hard and all.”

[terribletwos]

The way Axel's brow furrows when he questions the source of the dining suggestion has Roxas almost biting at his cheek. He knows that Axel knows how he feels about Saix (how could he not when he was the one interfering in most of Saix's plans for their sake), but he still hates the idea of Axel thinking he took issue to Axel spending time with Saix. (Even though he kind of does.) He can't change the fact that Saix was Axel's first friend once upon a time and that the part of Axel's regrown heart that had latched onto two lost Keyblade wielders is too caring to just dismiss that entirely. He'd seen as much in the way Axel had screamed, begged, for Saix to return to his senses during their fight with Xemnas. But knowing all that doesn't stop his jaw from clenching whenever he hears Axel say Saix's name.

He's relieved when Axels forgoes pursuing Roxas' reaction in favor of answering his question. He even smirks at the slight interruption by Axel's hungry stomach. "Sounds like we better hurry up. Or I might start to look tasty."

He wonders if his own stomach will be making similar noises soon too. Daily human needs are another thing he's had to pay more attention to since getting his new body. While he enjoyed his sea salt treats with his friends, hunger had never been that much of an issue back then. Possibly something about having a half-existence. Now, he finds it both annoying but also a reminder that he is human. Or at least as close as he would ever get. No more a half-life, it's now closer to a very good resemblance of a full one. A replica.

Axel's mention of the Twilight Town gang reminds him that they haven't really done much hanging out together as a larger group. Aside from their shared ice creams to celebrate everyone's return to Twilight Town. Everyone had been so wrapped up in feelings of triumph and relief and nostalgia that there hadn't been time for any real talking. And of course Saix showing up had made things extra weird. To tell the truth, he's not sure what the gang thinks of Axel or even Xion. Though Olette and her had seemed to hit it off really quick. Olette probably just liked having another girl around.

"You wouldn't call them that if you saw the way Hayner goes after Seifer and his gang," Roxas says reflexively before remembering that wasn't this Hayner.

His gaze falls. Does this Hayner feel the same way? He's only really seen Seifer once in passing since he came back and Hayner hadn't been with him then. How much does he really even know about thisHayner? Or any of them. He's working off memories that aren't real to anyone but him.

He tries to concentrate on leading Axel through the woods and then the tunnels, instinctively keeping a sharp eye out for any Heartless lurking behind the corners. Part of him wishes there were. It would give him something he knows about this town that's not mostly based off Sora's last visit.

When Axel gently pulls back his wrist, it's like something has been ripped from Roxas. His one constant in this place. Something he could trust his memories of. A lifeline for a mind tripping over its own insecurities. Even if the move only takes Axel a step away from Roxas, it feels as though there's a massive chasm separating them. He jerks his head back to Axel before he can catch himself, whispers of panic in his eyes.

Axel's trying to reassure him with that tired smile. He's talking again. About Saix. The hand that had been wrapped around Axel's wrist drops to his side, clenching.

Stop it. Stop being stupid. Saix isn't here. We need to get food. Just focus on that.

"I can find it," he says all too quickly, as if trying to prove something (but to who?). "That's what I did in the data world. I searched for places with my friends."

As soon as he says it, he has the urge to smack himself. His friends? They were just data constructed from a manipulation of his memories. Most of it taken from his time with Axel and Xion and combined with his constant curiosity over the normal life of the Twilight Town gang. His real friend is right here, listening to him talk excitedly about a life where Axel didn't belong.

He starts to agitatedly fiddle with his mismatched rings. "Anyway, we could pretend it's like recon or something." Great job. If he's not thinking about the data world, he's thinking about Organization missions. He really doesn't know how to be normal. "You know, track it down. It could be... fun." Does he even know what that word really means?

He really wishes he were still holding Axel.

[hollabastiongirl]

Axel chuckles mildly at Roxas’ joke but otherwise keeps quiet, fighting down the more mischievous side of himself that wants to tell Roxas he’d be about as filling as a bite-sized candy bar, albeit just as sweet. It crosses the line between friendly ribbing and straight-up flirting, and even if Roxas knew what flirting was, Axel shouldn’t be doing it. Shouldn’t even be thinking about doing it.

It doesn’t matter that Roxas may or may not return some of the feelings that Axel is only barely beginning to accept himself. Roxas is too new to humanhood. He doesn’t know what any of those (possible) feelings mean. Hell, he probably doesn’t even really know those kind of feelings exist. Axel is almost certain Roxas has never seen a couple interact romantically, because otherwise he definitely would’ve peppered Axel with a thousand curious questions like he normally did when he saw something he didn’t understand.

Roxas pulls him from his musings with an offhanded remark about Hayner, one of those local kids. Roxas’ friend. One of his best friends. One of the people that replaced Axel in Roxas’ memories. Must be the kid with the wild, sandy hair and an attitude to match. Axel definitely remembers him being feisty, at least for the ten seconds that they’d interacted when Axel kidnapped Kairi. “Oh, I can imagine,” he mumbles wryly.

Maybe bringing up those three hadn’t been the best idea, though. Axel notes the way Roxas’ shoulders slumped slightly after their mention, a tightness to his gait as he leads them to town. He can’t be sure precisely what Roxas’ deal with them is, but it’s probably safe to say it doesn’t have anything to do with Axel. The one time they’d all hung out together the trio had managed to keep their dislike of Axel under tight enough wraps that Roxas remained oblivious.

Things then seem to get worse from there. When Axel takes his arm back once they reach town Roxas’ head snaps up, too-blue eyes wide and alight with a flutter of panic. Alarmed, Axel can only stare as Roxas attempts to shake himself out of it, bringing up the trio once again and crumpling further as he does it. By the time he’s finished speaking his eyes are downcast, fiddling with the rings decorating his fingers. Axel distantly wonders if it’s a habit he picked up recently or one from the simulation.

“Rox,” he starts uncertainly, though nothing else comes out. His lips press into a thin line, uncertain of what to say. What can he even say? Roxas is clearly hurting again, lost in the past, but Axel doesn’t know how to comfort him.

Of course, when Axel opens his mouth to try again he’s interrupted, a girlish shriek from their right making him jump. He looks just in time to see a very happy girl throw her arms around her grinning boyfriend’s neck, pulling him down for a lingering kiss. With a little tongue, too, bleh. He has half a mind to shout at them to get a room. No one wants to see that shit in public.

With a put-upon shake of his head Axel closes the distance between himself and Roxas, gently taking his hand. Walking around like this can’t be any more embarrassing than the couple sucking face where anyone might see them. “C’mon, then. Let’s do some recon. If you’re gonna make me work, though, you can buy dessert.”