[PSL] The New Day

[terribletwos]

So much had been going on since Roxas' return that he barely had time to process much of it. Between the final battle with Xehanort, the reunion with the Twilight Town Trio, the surprise trip to Destiny Islands and the general overwhelming and nearly unfathomable reality of his friends' presence, he'd been mostly operating on auto-pilot. Any sense of reflexion he might have otherwise squeezed in was all but pushed aside by Sora's sudden disappearance and the sense of unease and disorientation that followed. The lack of wholeness after months of being completely connected to another person, another self. It left him feeling lost in his own new Replica body and weighed down by a sense of loneliness, despite the abundance of friends, old and new, constantly around him.

Maybe that's why he decided against his typical refuge of the clock tower and instead found his way to the old mansion. Namine was no longer there of course, having taken up Riku's offer to spend some time at Destiny Islands, creating real memories to replace the ones she had invented for herself and Sora's friends. She had told him as much when she temporarily turned down his request to join everyone in Twilight Town. Unlike him and Xion, Twilight Town had never really been a home for Namine, just a place of false memory and regret.

Roxas delays stepping into the mansion, first glancing up at the window where he first got his glimpse of Namine, recalling everything that came after it. All of it eventually culminating in DiZ, no, Ansem summoning him here, where everything was supposed to end. And it would have, if not for Sora. The thought of his Other brings his hand to his chest, feeling the impossible heart beating there.

How is he supposed to explain this feeling of total disconnect to his friends? Even Xion wouldn't completely understand, having never been a true Nobody. Ventus might, but he's catching up with his own friends. And Namine still had Kairi at least.

He breathes out a heavy sigh, as he reaches to pull open the mansion door.

Comments

[hollabastiongirl]

Axel doesn’t miss the smugness of Roxas’ smile as he thanks the waitress, nor can he ignore gritty surge of heat in the pit of his gut that comes along with it. It’s unfairly attractive, the look of effortless victory that Roxas wears so confidently. Axel has seen it many times before for various reasons, but this is probably the first time he’s seen Roxas look so smug over him. It’s a brand new experience, one that prickles at his insides with a dangerous yearning; Axel senses that if he was to allow it free reign, it would consume him.

Instead, he lets the feeling go. Better to focus on his regular hunger, right? Not the…other kind. Whatever. That’s not happening.

Axel’s stomach grumbles impatiently as he shovels a forkful of hash-browns into his mouth before he has to put his foot in it, the crispy breakfast potatoes buttery and delicious. He’s impressed so far and he hasn’t even gotten to his omelette.

Roxas, on the other hand, seems to be struggling. He’s got the pancake stack buttered and dripping with syrup, but his fork is jammed awkwardly into the whole thing and he’s sneaking glances at the way Axel is eating. Taking pity on him with a blank look free of judgement, he says, “there’s really no wrong way to eat a pancake, but try cutting it into smaller pieces first. I was once dared to stuff a whole damn flapjack into my mouth and let me tell you, not a good idea. Here, watch me.”

Axel demonstrates the technique with his own food, holding the omelette in place with his fork as he uses the knife to slice off an appropriately sized bite. He then stabs the morsel with his fork and pops it into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. It’s not as spicy as he can handle, but there’s definitely a nice kick. He’ll have to thank Isa for the good recommendation.

“You can try a bite of my omelette if you want, too.” Axel cuts him a piece and offers out his fork, intending for Roxas to take it. He doesn’t mind sharing germs. “Fair warning, though, it’s spicy.”

[terribletwos]

"I'm surprised it couldn't fit," Roxas says with a smirk, using the teasing tone to shove away some of his self consciousness over not knowing how to do another basic thing.

He watches Axel carefully, picking up his knife to mirror his movements. As with most things, Roxas is a fast learner and picks up the concept fairly quickly. He spears his own portion and brings it to his mouth. The flavor is amazing! Completely different from the sweetness of his sea salt ice cream. The texture is interesting too, thick and doughy and requiring of a few good chews to get down. He closes his eyes to fully experience the array of tastes, still holding the fork close to his mouth.

After a moment, he opens his eyes again and is about to go for another bite when Axel holds out his fork. The warning brings back that rebellious cockiness. "Sure. I can handle some spice." Probably. It's not like he's ever had spice before. Just to prove his point (mostly to himself), he leans forward to eat the offering right off the fork.

His eyes grow large, as the aftertaste instantly kicks in, filling his mouth with a definite heat. Okay, maybe this did deserve the warning. His hand scrambles to recover his water, nearly knocking it over, so he can take a big gulp.

[hollabastiongirl]

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbles flatly, Roxas’ playful teasing bringing to mind the reasoning for that cruel ‘dare’ in the first place. It’d been before the Fall in a diner not unlike this one, though his company hadn’t all been pleasant the way Roxas is. None of the apprentices were overly friendly with each other, but for whatever reason, just the once, they’d all gone out to breakfast together.

It started out awkward and quickly went downhill from there. Lea had made the mistake of running his mouth about something, of course—he can’t remember why now—and while Isa had tried to smooth things over with a joke about Lea’s mouth being wide enough to swallow a watermelon whole, the damage had already been done. People were insulted, and being the mean-spirited prick that he was, Braig had decided Lea needed to be put in his place. ‘Dared’ is probably too gentle a word for what exactly went down.

It isn’t the best memory. Pancakes sometimes make him a little nauseous all these years later, even.

Still, Axel offers an uneven smile and accompanying wink to show Roxas that he’s all right—he isn’t truly annoyed. None of that has anything to do with now; with Roxas. Axel was the idiot that’d brought it up in the first place so casually. He forces a lighter tone as he jokes, “big, goofy Axel with his big, goofy mouth. Like I’ve never heard that one before.”

After that little flip-flipping of emotion, Axel allows quiet to settle between them as they enjoy their food. Roxas chews his first bite with his eyes closed, a look of pure bliss painted across his face. Not that Axel’s watching very closely or anything. He’s totally not staring at the smidge of sticky syrup glistening at the edge of one pouty lip, or the dusting of powdered sugar that somehow found a home on the tip of Roxas’ nose. Nope, not at all. He’s completely zoned out.

That’s totally why he jumps a little as Roxas’ eyes snap open, their gazes locked as that cocky little brat makes a sly remark and leans forward to steal the bite right off the tines of Axel’s fork instead of just taking the damn utensil like Axel had intended him to. His face burns a little, though he isn’t sure why.

And then Roxas’ face goes red, but that’s obviously because of the generous helping of hot peppers and melty pepper-jack cheese that fills every bite of his omelette. Axel muffles a laugh behind his hand, trying not to embarrass the kid more than he probably already is. Roxas is too adorable. “All right over there?” he asks mildly, pushing his own glass of water towards Roxas with the hand not covering his amused grin. “Need some milk? That can help neutralize the spice.”

[terribletwos]

Roxas' smirk falters at the flat tone and off smile. Axel's attempt to smooth things over with his feigned self-depreciation doesn't quite land either. The reaction rolls around his head, as he follows Axel's cutting demonstration. He didn't think his joke was particularly mean. It fell in line with their usual brand of banter, and Axel had never reacted like that before. The most he ever got was huffy whenever Xion and Roxas ganged up on him. What had Roxas said? Did being human again make him remember things he ignored when he was a Nobody, like someone saying something like that when it hadn't been a joke?

It reminds him of something he had learned earlier today. That Axel and Saix had also been mistreated by Ansem. What had happened back then?

He opens his mouth to ask Axel about it, but his friend has already gone back to his food. Seeing him thoroughly enjoying the meal after such a rough day, practically smiling around the bite, makes Roxas second guess himself. Maybe it's a topic best saved for another time.

Which might partly be why he's so quick to show off when Axel offers him some. A new challenge to preoccupy his mind instead.

One that he immediately finds himself regretting as the water does little to temper the burning sensation on his tongue. He knows full well that Axel is laughing his fool head off behind that hand. And he also knows he deserves it for acting like an idiot. Which only makes his ears burn with the same red as his face. He takes the water because he still needs something, fighting to keep his gaze from Axel.

His negative head shake can only be described as sulky. "I'm fine," he coughs. There's no way he's bringing that server back here to see him in such dumb distress. He can only imagine the looks she'd tried to exchange with Axel over his state. No, he's going to power through this oral inferno, even as his eyes start to noticeably water.

He's going to have to work on developing some kind of immunity if he wants to keep going out like this with Axel. Not unlike his relative lack of fear toward fire.

It takes a couple more deep swallows before Roxas is able to return to his pancakes, shoveling in another syrupy bite to try and chase away the remaining heat. "Maybe that wasn't the best idea." His tone still carries some hints of petulance.

Eager to shake off the prickly feeling, he cuts off another portion of the stack and offers it to Axel. "It probably works better the other way around."

Maybe it's dumb, but after failing so miserably to share Axel's latest treat, he wants to at least share something he enjoys. Between the omelet fiasco, the stuff with people seeing Axel as his parent and his struggle to match Axel's description of attraction to his own feelings, maybe he just wants to convince himself that they're still... compatible.

[hollabastiongirl]

Axel bites back another chuckle as Roxas sulks, the sour little pout on his face endearingly adorable. Axel just wants to pinch those grouchy pink cheeks, make ‘em even redder. This silliness certainly brightens his mood, at any rate. His smile is much less forced as Roxas grumbles about being fine through his coughing, downing the rest of Axel’s water, too. Of course he refuses to accept the offer of milk, but that doesn’t come as a surprise. Roxas is as stubborn as he is tough. Axel loves and hates that about him.

“Aw, c’mon, Roxy. You handled it like a champ.” Axel says this very seriously as he slices off another hunk of omelet for himself, displeased by the petulant edge to his friend’s words. There’s no need to be so embarrassed. Roxas probably isn’t convinced, though, so after he chews his bite and swallows it down, he adds, “one time I made half the Castle apprentices cry with some homemade chili and it wasn’t even as spicy as this is. Ienzo coughed so much I thought he was choking. Almost gave him the Heimlich maneuver.”

Axel tries not to scowl at yet another pre-Fall memory sneaking past his lips without his express consent, but fails spectacularly as Roxas offers him a forkful of pancake. The dough is oozing with gooey syrup, its sugary mixture dropping to Roxas’ plate in globs. Axel stares at it with emerald fire dancing in his wide, acid-bright eyes, the visceral memory of gagging on thick fried batter under several sets of eyes turning his stomach violently. He thinks he’s going to be sick. He thinks he hears Isa hissing harshly in his ear to, ”quit crying, you’re making yourself look weak. You brought this on yourself, now finish it, Lea.”

“No thanks,” Axel manages to choke out before he abruptly stands, wobbly legs carrying him swiftly to the bathroom in the rear of the restaurant without another word.

After losing what little food he’s managed to eat so far during what is turning out to be the worst lunch-date possible, Axel rinses out his mouth in the nasty bathroom sink and washes his hands, running cool water over his face as well. He’s pale and shaky and so fucking weak that it pisses him off to see, only barely resisting the urge to punch out the goddamn mirror where his pathetic reflection stares back at him. He’s already made enough of a scene, and Roxas is no doubt worrying himself sick. Instead Axel sighs, dries himself off, and heads back to the table with what little dignity he has left.

He pastes on a smile as he approaches, though he doesn’t look at Roxas once he sits back down, the nails of his right hand digging hard into his palm. He only needs the left to hold a fork. “Ate too fast,” Axel mumbles, totally casual and composed. He’s fine. He’s good. He can breathe. “Sorry about that. Think I’m gonna get the rest to go, but take your time. I’m in no rush.”

[terribletwos]

Okay, the thought of the Organization reeling from Axel's food is kind of entertaining. And does make him feel a little better about his own episode. It's quite an image to think of the usually stoic Xaldin trying to keep a straight face while his mouth was on fire. Or even the weird expressions Vexen must have made with his eyes, as he tried to analyze amid a coughing fit. Xigbar was probably annoyingly fine.

He turns the beginnings of a smile to Axel just in time to catch the strange look in Axel's eyes. Like a mix between disgust and... a more personal kind of disgust. It's completely alien on Axel, but Roxas has seen it before. Xion had looked like that when she told him about her inability to summon the Keyblade. Sora had too when Riku defeated him at Hollow Bastion. Even without a concrete word for it, the look twists at his insides.

Before he can ask Axel what's wrong, Axel flees, looking concerningly unsteady on his feet. "Axel!" Roxas shouts, as he chases after him.

Only to get waylaid by one of the servers and knocked into another table. He feels several pairs of unknown eyes upon him, as the server berates him for not watching where he's going. Roxas rushes through an apology as someone else asks him if he's all right. But he's already scrambling back to his feet and looking around to see where Axel has gone.

"Axel!" he calls again, jumping as a hand comes down on his shoulder followed by a voice telling him he needs to sit down. His skin crawls at the touch and his whirls around, eyes flashing and teeth bared. Prime combat mode. The man who's found himself in Roxas' sights seems startled by the volatile reaction and steps back a bit, speaking in a more placating tone. "You need to sit down, sir. If you're looking for someone, we can help you find them but you need to sit down first."

Roxas feels his blood boil with frustration. He doesn't know where Axel is. He just knows that something's wrong. Why is this jerk in his way? He glances around to realize that a good portion of the diners are currently looking at him. If he keeps this up, they're not going to let him and Axel back here again. And Axel does seem to like the food. His shoulders slump as he stalks back to the booth and throws himself into his seat, stuck with waiting for Axel to come back or enough people to forget about him so he can renew his search.

He presses the heels of his palms into his eyes and tries to concentrate on calming down. That's when a low cough sounds nearby him. He ignores it, wallowing in his consternation, until it repeats itself louder this time. When he looks up to see what's going on, his gaze crosses that of their server. Great.

"Your shake," she says in a slightly strained tone, as she sets the treat down in front of him. She can't help glancing at the seat opposite of Roxas. The action only fuels Roxas' irritation.

Roxas' eyes narrow and his tone goes flat. "He's not here."

The server looks back at him, somewhat bothered before she smooths her expression into one of sterile politeness. "Mm, let me know if you need anything else." She exits at more of a clip than before.

Roxas waits for her to go before taking another look to see if things have settled. Relief floods his face when he notices Axel coming toward the booth. But the feeling slowly vanishes as he recognizes the emotionless smile. Axel still isn't okay. Whatever happened when he tried to share his meal with him had shaken him badly. He wishes he knew what he did this time.

But when Axel attempts more excuses, Roxas decides the why doesn't matter right now. What matters is that Axel is hurting. The posture, the tone, the lack of eye contact, the changing of the subject back to him. He's starting to get better at reading the hints.

He decides to ditch whatever human niceties dictate that they sit awkwardly across from each other and instead moves to join Axel in his booth. Roxas looks up at him, feeling especially helpless. How's he supposed to say anything if he doesn't know what's wrong and he knows Axel doesn't want to talk about it? He leans gently against Axel's arm. "It's okay, Axel." He maintains that locked gaze, even if Axel doesn't want to look at him right now. "It's okay. You don't have to explain."

[hollabastiongirl]

Sunken in his own spiral of self-depracating thoughts, it takes Axel a moment to even realize Roxas has moved. As such, the unexpected weight against his arm has him tensing, but when he glances over and sees it’s Roxas looking up at him with nothing but gentle understanding in those big blue eyes, something inside him just melts. His breath leaves him in a soft gasp as Roxas says it’s okay, the familiar sting of tears clouding his vision.

It’s somehow all that he needs to hear.

Roxas isn’t demanding an explanation from him. He isn’t looking at him like he’s weak or pathetic or less than a person, the way Axel feels he is on occasion. The way other people have looked at him in the past, cold and judgmental. But there’s no judgement now. Roxas is just here with him, the press of his body against Axel’s a solid, warm comfort. Axel sighs, closes his watery eyes, and rests his head atop of Roxas’. He doesn’t care who sees.

“Thanks,” he murmurs against golden tufts of hair, inhaling Roxas’ bright, airy scent of sunshine with a shaky smile. “It’s…a whole thing. Stuff from back when I was just a dumb kid, trying to make a place for myself in a world that probably didn’t suit me very well.” Axel huffs a bitter little laugh, strands of hair tickling his cheek. “Got in over my head, of course. Opened my big mouth too often when I should’ve kept it shut. I’ll give myself one thing, it definitely made me memorable.”

He’d wanted that in his naivety. To never be forgotten—to live forever in people’s memories. Stupid, at least when it made you a target. He’d learned better after all that. Never give too much of yourself away so you keep the upper hand. People underestimate you that way.

With one subtle nuzzle of his cheek against Roxas’ head, Axel sits up, wiping quickly at his face with the back of his hand. He’s pleasantly surprised to have held off most of the tears, though one or two escaped. He’s also half-way grinning, almost amused. It’s funny that Roxas telling him it was okay not to open up made him really want to. What a twist.

“I’m all right,” he says, reaching under the table to pat Roxas’ knee and unintentionally leaving a smear of blood on the fabric of his pants. “And uh, thanks again. Sorry if I ruined your lunch.”

[terribletwos]

The sudden drop of Axel's head against his startles him from the cocoon of heat he's created between him and Axel. But the warmth that washes over him is softer, less intense, a cozy blanket of sensation tempered by the dawning realization that Axel is seeking his comfort with the action. That being close to Roxas helps this time. He stills as to not disturb Axel.

He figures Axel just needs quiet to process things. So he's definitely surprised when Axel starts talking again. Talking about the stuff Roxas thought he was trying to avoid. He was right. Old memories. Old memories of a person Axel didn't like. But if Axel didn't like 'Lea' and he doesn't like 'Axel,' given the way he talk about himself in regard to Castle Oblivion, does that mean Axel doesn't like himself at all? It's hard to believe for someone who's admired and looked up to ​Axel for as long as he knows.

It makes Axel's flippant catch phrase seem so much more sad. Another reason why he'd been so devastated and driven to near madness when Roxas had been unable to remember him. Those manic taunts he had screamed at Roxas during their final fight. "You wont forget this!" "Got it memorized?" He'd been so desperate to cement himself in people's memories that he must have inadvertently put himself in harm's way.

Someone hurt Axel. That he knows for sure. What's hidden between his self putdowns and irreverent dismissals. Someone hurt him. And something about their lunch had made him remember that.

He squeezes his eyes shut and grits his teeth, trying to not let his anger show too much. What could have happened to make Axel so disgusted over pancakes? Especially since he had been the one to suggest them to Roxas. He can't even imagine and that only makes the bile rise to this throat even faster.

But that bubbling rage is effectively doused when Axel nudges Roxas' head with his cheek. Instead, it's like a spark has gone off in Roxas' senses. He feels dazed and floaty. He barely registers the pat to his knee. The only reason he catches Axel's half-grin is because it nearly blinds him, an unconscious assault on Roxas' already frazzled senses.

He has to claw for a response, shaking his head listlessly. "It's fine. It was more about spending time with you anyway." Spending time doing something less emotionally damaging than exploring the Old Mansion. Though now he's not sure he can really say that. He rests more weight against Axel, remembering that he still wants to do something about that. "Anyway, I like your big mouth. Nobody else smiles like you. Not even Sora." It had always given Roxas a reason to want to return from his missions, even when they had seemed so tedious. "And that's easy to memorize."

Roxas goes quiet again, taking a moment to really process the last few minutes. "Thanks... for letting me help you."

[hollabastiongirl]

Once be knows he’s forgiven, Axel allows himself to relax. This whole day has just been one emotional disaster after another, but Roxas still wants to spend time with him. Axel hasn’t ruined anything this time. He can’t help the hiccup of a laugh that bubbles from his mouth, giddy with relief. He thought for sure he would’ve scared his friend away by now, as emotionally unstable as he’s been.

Instead, Roxas leans more weight against him, a grounding anchor for his senses. Axel comes back to himself a little more, the painful claws of the past retracting to a much more bearable sting. Roxas is warm against him, speaking. Trying to comfort him. Offering something Axel isn’t sure he’s ever heard before. He says—

”I like your big mouth. Nobody else smiles like you. Not even Sora.”

— and Axel feels as though he’s been speared straight through the chest with a beam of golden light as hot as the sun, tongues of brilliant flame licking at his heart as if to consume. Axel lets it. He lets the heat of it all raze his entire body until he’s flushed from his cheeks all the way down to the collarbones visible over the lines of his v-neck tshirt. He isn’t even embarrassed about the color, only genuinely, indescribably pleased. He can’t remember the last time anyone has said something so nice to him. Maybe never.

His heart flutters, skips, and thrives in the heat of affection for the boy sitting next to him. It feels like it must’ve always been this way. That if Axel is fire, Roxas is the spark that ignites him.

And the way he smiles for Roxas now, well. He hopes it reflects even just a little of the gratitude blazing under his skin. He hopes it gets across everything he can’t say yet but wants to, because for the first time in a long time he feels the desire to share all of himself with someone else. Even the parts he doesn’t like. Everything.

”Thanks…for letting me help you,” Roxas says, and Axel laughs to keep from crying, breathless. Ruffles Roxas’ hair with a tender touch. Leans down, before he can think better of it, to press the ghost of a kiss to the crown of that golden blond head, just once.

“Don’t mention it, okay? You’re starting to sound like a real sap. When Sora comes home and hears about it, he’s never gonna let you live it down. He’ll be so proud.”

[terribletwos]

Axel's reaction is stunning to behold, especially for someone who felt he had no idea what he was doing and was just fumbling along as best as he could. He's barely had any experience in comforting others or making them feel better about themselves. It's always been the reverse. All he could do was speak from his heart. And evidently, it was quite potent for being so new and inexperienced.

He blinks a few times to make sure he's really seeing that vibrant display of colors paint itself over every part of Axel that it can reach. Did he really do this? His chest swells, strangely proud of himself for his accomplishment. For having the power to make Axel look so... beautiful. It seems an odd word to apply since he's pretty sure it's mostly associated with stuff like flowers or paintings. But Axel might as well be a living painting, with the way the splashes of pinks and reds spread over his flesh as if it were a canvass. There's no other way to describe it. Axel is really beautiful like this.

Roxas brings a hand to his chest, as he feels a demanding squeeze around his heart. It's rough but not so painful that he needs to break away. More just very insistent on making itself known. As if trying to impress something upon Roxas. Well, message definitely received.

He considers reaching toward that collarbone so he can trace the path of color, find out if it feels as warm as it looks. But Axel's smile distracts him, triggering another internal squeeze. This one even more adamant than the last. That smile feels like the pure embodiment of the sun they used to watch on the horizon, full of promise and intrigue and warming him to his core. It feels like home. He wishes he could bask in it forever, this incredible proof of Axel's feelings. Of Axel's love?

Axel's laughing now, looking absolutely radiant in his breathless state. Roxas can no longer take his eyes off him. He's simply mesmerized by the transformation, by this giddy, unfettered side of Axel that he's never seen before. Even at Axel's most laid-back or most happy moments with him and Xion. He leans into the hair ruffle, craving the intoxicating warmth it brings. It feels so good.

And while he's still lost in the tapestry of sensations, he feels something brush feather light against his head. Instantly, it's as though everything he was currently feeling has funneled itself into that one spot. He's honestly surprised it's not glowing right now.

He blinks rapidly. What was that? He feels so whole. He thinks he can vaguely remember Axel leaning down. Was that a kiss? It was different from what he saw before but... He had to admit he liked it. The drowning feeling that he sometimes experienced when Axel touched him certain ways isn't present this time. Just blissful affection. He likes it a lot.

So much that he half-misses what Axel's saying to him. Until he catches the teasing line of "sap" and everything that comes after it. "Hey! No. You can't tell Sora!" he protests in tone of mock seriousness, shoving at Axel. But he can't hide his grin, not with how happy and lighthearted he feels. "I'll blame it on you. You're the sappy one, Mr. Why Does the Sun Set Red." He taps a finger against Axel's chest.

In the euphoria of everything, he all but forgets that they have no idea when Sora will be coming home. Maybe its just the confident way Axel speaks about it. It makes it easier to believe it's true.

Roxas looks up at Axel, still pressing that finger against him. "Lucky for you, I have a high tolerance."

[hollabastiongirl]

“Try and stop me,” Axel purrs low in Roxas’ ear before he’s bullied backwards by a jabby finger to the chest. It’s obvious Roxas isn’t actually upset anyway; the smile on his face—as breathtaking as the sun rising after a long, dark night—gives him away. Axel chuckles as he’s poked again, another wingbeat of euphoria fluttering against his ribs at the point of their contact. At the memory of their Clocktower, and the way the sun always set so red and full. Even in all it’s beauty, Roxas puts it to shame.

Maybe he really is the sap. Axel doesn’t mind.

His own hand, warm with the blossoming heat of his inner fire, comes up to wrap around Roxas’. To hold it against his chest like something precious, so that maybe Roxas can feel the thumping rhythm of his heart. To know the way it races at their contact as though trying to break free. It’s a reminder of how far they’ve come; of all that they’ve accomplished by believing in each other. It’s a promise that they can make it through anything, too—even getting Sora back. Axel knows they will.

Roxas says he’s lucky, and he can’t agree more. He’s the luckiest even with just what he has now despite his traitorous heart wanting for more.

“I really am, aren’t I?” Axel says with a smile so tender and serious it probably takes them both by surprise. The tips of his ears go a little pink—he’s giving too much away. Trying to change the subject, Axel clears his throat and gives the hand in his a gentle squeeze, dropping their joined grip down to the ugly green vinyl of the booth bench before he lets go. That is quite enough of that, he thinks. “Anyway! We should probably get out of here before they throw us out. On the walk back from the bathroom that waitress was giving me the stink eye.”

There’s still eyes on them, in fact. Axel can feel people staring, belatedly embarrassed. Oh well.

[terribletwos]

Roxas is so caught up in his play that sultry purr in his ear nearly completely disarms him, as it brings that hot intense feeling but to his belly. The way Axel's breath tickles the sensitive insides of his ear, shifts the stands of hair half covering it. He knows his face is probably as red as Axel's hair. It almost makes him squirm in discomfort, makes him want to tell Axel to knock it off. But it also means that Axel is extremely close, that his attention is on Roxas and Roxas alone. He can suck up a little discomfort for that privilege.

He resorts to more teasing to bulldoze through his unsettled feelings, finding it easier as Axel laughs and allows himself to be mercilessly bullied. As always, that reassuring laugh slows the churning inside him, flooding his mind with memories of their special days. Of occasional glances from the watching the drama of the sunset unfold to just watching the serene look on his best friend's face. Of listening to Axel explain the ways of the world in his overly sentimental way. Of knowing that this Axel was for him and Xion only. Of sometimes finding his head falling against his best friend's shoulder, as he allowed himself to drift in the one place he felt truly safe.

Roxas can't get enough of it. Maybe that's why he doesn't remove his finger when continuing his exaggerated teasing.

Which proves to be an interesting choice when Axel suddenly takes it and holds it against his chest. Roxas has to swallow, as he feels the rapid rhythm, even more noticeable than the searing heat around his hand, though he knows it's Axel's, that Axel isn't doing anything. This is all Roxas. Roxas reacting to being held in some a purposeful way. Not a frantic grasp for comfort amid a faltering mind. Not a fierce demand for understanding to keep Roxas from tearing away. Just a wish to share this feeling with Roxas. To share this result of what that they had both fought so hard for, that Sora had given everything for. Feeling that pulse beneath his fist really does make Roxas feel that just about anything is possible, if they could manage something as unbelievable as this.

He shifts his fingers to flatten his hand in order to feel more, to see whether he can align Axel's pace with his own heartbeat. Line up the pieces. Maybe the tiny incompatibilities he's been tripping over aren't as dire as he's let himself believe. The important connection is still here. He can work on the rest. Even his confusing new body. They have time now, as Axel said.

Roxas gazes up at Axel, expression full of wonder and blossoming joy, as he hears Axel agree with his statement about being lucky. He'd meant it as another tease, but that smile speaks to something much more profound and grateful. Something that makes Roxas feel prouder than he's ever felt, like he could literally burst from the happiness welling up in him. He's smiling so hard it should probably hurt, and it does a little, but this feels more like a good hurt. Like in the Keyblade Graveyard, when he finally had a moment, beyond the fighting, to really process that he, Axel and Xion were together again.

Axel's act of pointedly clearing his throat causes some of his wild fiery hair to shift closer to his mouth. Roxas' attention fixates on it, only somewhat noticing Axel has lowered their hands again and that the incredible heat against his skin has melted away. He hardly notices Axel is speaking again either, as he reaches up to softly brush those errant strands away and behind Axel's ear, not even sure why, just that they're too close to that nice smile. "Yeah..." Maybe he does catch that bit about the waitress though, as his smile turns slightly more self-satisfied. "I guess she'll have to find someone else to flirt with."

Unlike Axel, he's wholly oblivious to their potential audience. Not that he would care either way. Other than to be annoyed at people watching him.

His hand is shaking a bit from his last move so he rests it on Axel's neck to calm it. "There's always the beach." They can't throw them out of there. Probably.

[hollabastiongirl]

Of all the things Roxas could’ve done after Axel relinquished the hold on his hand, tenderly brushing the wild red hair away from Axel’s face is one of the most unexpected. It gives him major pause, lips parting in a silent notion of surprise. He doesn’t comment on it though, as Roxas’ smile slants from sparkling to smug, clearly satisfied that their pretty waitress won’t be giving Axel her number anytime soon. That little shit. Axel huffs softly through a grin.

He should be a little more sour about that, maybe. He’s supposed to be trying to smother the fire that crackles in his heart for his best friend, not fanning the flames. The resulting smoke fills his lungs thick enough to choke. He can’t help but be a little thrilled, though, that Roxas cares so much. Can’t help but feel a little flattered. Can’t help he way he swallows hard as gentle fingers skid across his throat, Roxas resting his hand against the side of Axel’s neck as though it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Maybe it is. It feels like it, anyway.

“What is with you and the beach,” he mumbles, the sound of his own voice distant and slightly more breathless in his ears than he’d like. “Did you inherent some kind of weird Islander sand fetish from Sora? That shit’ll stick around in your shoes forever, ya know.” His mother used to have a quirky little saying about that—how the three things you could never get rid of were sand, blood, and relatives. Although the relatives part clearly isn’t true; Axel hasn’t seen any family since before the Fall. “Er, anywho,” he continues, focusing on the present over the past, “we should probably wait ‘til tomorrow for all that. Xion’ll kill us if we go without her. And I need a nap, remember? I’m ready to get into my crappy motel bed even if I have to crawl there.”

He slaps down some munny on the table and ushers the two of them out of the booth, leaving the rest of his food behind. He’s hardly hungry anymore, and anyway, the waitress had not-so-subtly encouraged him to leave by handing Axel the bill when he’d been on his way back to the table. He’s sure to leave her a nice tip for all the trouble.

Once they’re back out into the streets, the pleasantly warm breeze of Twilight Town tousling his hair, Axel stretches hard and yawns, scratching at the back of his head. He turns to Roxas with a smile, though it’s more apologetic than anything. “We’ll meet up again tomorrow, okay? I know we talked about ice cream, but really, I need to catch some zee’s.” He also needs time to gather his thoughts and reflect on the day, but that goes without saying. “Call you in the morning?”

[terribletwos]

Roxas pulls back, inadvertently stung by the comment. "I like the sound of the water. It's peaceful."

He knows Axel's probably right, that his fascination with the ocean originates from his Other, that it's the reason holding a seashell to his ear can calm the worst of his nerves. It's not the only trait he shares with Sora either. More important, these little similarities are his only remaining connection to Sora. He should want to cling to them.

But the reminder that something so important to him, so important that it had driven him even in his digital reality, that it had manifested as the second strongest source of his power with his new body... That that something isn't really his sits poorly with his earlier uncertainties about his new existence. Knowing that Axel surely didn't mean it that way does little to alter the sour feeling in his mouth.

He doesn't resist much when Axel changes the subject again, though he does feel a stab of guilt when Axel reminds him that their beach trips should involve Xion too. Had he gotten so wrapped up in his new feelings that he completely forgot that? Thank goodness Axel hadn't. Maybe he does need to be more careful with all of this. It's messing with his head, controlling him more than he realized. Emotions are terrifying, and these new ones are even worse. How do people manage them enough to do the things Axel talked about? Flirting. Kissing Dating.

Loving.

He nods at Axel's comment about Xion, forcing a tight smile. "Right, she'll never let us hear the end of it. And I guess a bed's more comfortable than sleeping on the sand." Not that Roxas would mind. He'd be fine with living on the beach if it was an option.

Roxas remains mostly quiet as they exit the restaurant and return to the streets. He glances around them, curious if he'll spot any more pairs like the one before. Maybe seeing them against could help him understand these feelings more. Especially the growing unease he feels at that apologetic smile, at the inkling that something is going on here that he doesn't quite grasp. Did he do something? No, Axel does need sleep; he looks like he hasn't had it in weeks. Roxas is just letting the stress of the day get to him. It's not like it's any different from the other times when they've parted for the night. (Except that they lived in the same building back then.)

He nods again, keeping it as firm and confident as he can. "Yeah. Maybe we can go look for a new board. As long you don't sleep all day." He's pleased that the last part seems to flow naturally, despite his dumb anxieties. He feels steady again, safe in the customary.

[hollabastiongirl]

Axel hadn’t made any comment about it, but he’d noticed the way Roxas’ withdrew at his lighthearted jab about the beach. He’d noted the falsity of his smile as he talked about Xion, tight-lipped and stretched thin. Obviously he’d upset Roxas somehow, though with his mental capacities at about halfway functional, Axel didn’t have the wherewithal to figure out why. Still, he’d winced internally as they exited Mickey’s, wondering if there was a way to make things right before they went their separate ways.

Standing out in the Tram Commons of Twilight Town, though, with Roxas looking up at him though dark, full lashes, hair brightened in hues of flame and gold by streaks of sunset, Axel finds that his words are sticking painfully in his throat. He wants to apologize with more than just a stupid smile—a least a touch, maybe, to the smooth skin of Roxas’ cheek, like before—but it’s hard to reach out, the space between them feeling suddenly vast.

It’s his own fault, he knows. He’s the one making it awkward, and mostly for himself at that. He’s the one standing here thinking too much about Roxas. Foolish things. Sappy things, like the way his voice is a melody Axel could never tire of. Like the fact that even as a part of him wishes to pull away, most of him hates to let go. Things like, for all of his sharp edges, deadly and unforgiving as the blades he wields, Roxas is most beautiful when he’s soft and framed by the light of the setting sun.

Axel, realization coming on far too late and all at once like a damn breaking, is the one that went and fell in love with his best friend.

“Yeah,” he agrees steadily, even as his insides violently ripple with the shock of his reluctant revelation. “We can do that. Maybe Xion’ll want one, too. You can teach her.” There may even be a skate park near the beach if he’s remembering correctly, though he doesn’t say it aloud in case he isn’t. Axel doesn’t want to disappoint Roxas more than he already has. Than he is right now, by trying to force them to go separate ways. Right, they should be saying goodbye. “Uh…where’re you guys staying, anyway?”

Huh. That’s not what he meant to say.

Say goodbye, Axel scolds himself, even as an idea unfolds delicately in his mind the way flower petals bloom. Don’t you dare do this. Don’t fucking say it. You’re being so, so stupid right now.

Okay, then. Yeah. He pauses, steels himself, and says without a second thought, “you can stay with me tonight. Ya know. If you want.”

Oh goddamnit.

[terribletwos]

Roxas perks up a little more at the idea of introducing his friends to his second favorite pastime. At least he hopes it's still his second favorite pastime. He hasn't really ever done it outside of the simulation. Why had Naminé included that in the scenario anyway? Well, at worst, it can be something they can learn together.

"Or I can teach you both. We can all pick something up."

Does Axel already know how to skate? He's never mentioned it before, not that he had any real reason to. It would be interesting to see, given Axel's towering height. But with the way Axel loves to jump around during a fight, he should pick it up quick, if he doesn't already know. He'd probably even look cooler than Roxas, with that wild hair fanning out behind him like a blazing lion mane on every leap. And Xion, like Roxas, has always learned through mimicry. He can see her matching his jumps to keep in perfect face with him, laughing at the excitement of it all.

It would make for a great outing and a way to smooth over the awkwardness of the last few days. Thinking about it even makes him feel a little less melancholy over splitting up with Axel again. He doesn't have to try so hard for that tiny smile.

He's half lost in the daydream until he hears Axel ask him where he and Xion have been staying. He's about to explain the temporary situation with the Twilight Town gang before Axel answers for him.

"You can stay with me tonight."

The color drains from his face out of pure shock, even as his eyes pick up a sparkle that would put the biggest and most shimmering orichalcum to shame. Axel invited him to stay. Sure, they had all fantasized about living together back when all they had was the Organization and the castle. But reality had proven a lot more complicated than those far off dreams. And even now, he understands that this is just a night. Its not a permanent thing. But it feels... big.

Axel hadn't been trying to break away after all. Or if he had, something had made him change his mind. Because Axel had never, in all the time they've been together, asked him to stay with him. Back then, it had still been about the Organization. This was different. Axel had no reason now. Except... he wanted Roxas.

I want Axel too.

His chest feels fluttery again, that excited but emotion-strained smile bubbling over his lips, as he clears the little space between them. A moment later, his arms are around Axel's waist. This hug thing is coming a little easier to him now. Or maybe that's just Axel and the relaxing warmth that seems to flow from him into Roxas.

"Sure. I'd... like that." He's still looking up at Axel with a soft laugh. "I'll make sure you actually get some sleep this time."

[hollabastiongirl]

“Pick me up off the ground, maybe,” Axel grumbles under his breath, clearly not thrilled with the idea of skateboarding. Maybe it makes him old and uncool, but he prefers his feet planted firmly on the ground. He may boast a lazy, wildcat-like grace in battle, but he has a feeling it won’t translate well with wheels underneath. He’ll give it a try, though, if it’ll make Roxas and Xion happy. Even if he does end up eating gravel.

He’s about to say so when Roxas goes pale, wide eyes boring up at him with gleaming disbelief. Alarmed, Axel tries to ask if something is wrong before a brilliant smile splits Roxas’ lips, the words drying up in his mouth as an excited bundle of blond and blue and checkerboard trim launches itself into him. Axel looses a breath in a quiet “oof,” the warmth and pressure of Roxas’ arms around his waist a surprise, though not an unpleasant one. He’s quick to react anyway, his own arm coming up to drape across Roxas’ shoulders. They probably shouldn’t be standing like this out in the open, but for the moment, Axel can’t bring himself to care. He returns Roxas’ smile with one of his own, lips curved in a rarer show of gentle fondness.

Roxas wants to stay with him. He’d said yes, happily. And though the thought is a little juvenile, Axel can’t help but chuckle at the fact that they’re going to have a sleepover. Something about this sets off an annoying little bell of warning in the back of his head, but it’s drowned out by the rush of pounding blood in Axel’s ears. His heart has picked up its tempo again, clearly pleased with this unexpected turn of events despite Axel’s initial hesitance. He lets it thrum, relishing in the feeling of a racing pulse, fully alive. Hell with it, he thinks, as recklessly as always. Can’t hurt, right? I’m already in deep.

“You might not like it so much when you see the sorry state of this place,” Axel jokes as he wriggles free of Roxas’ hold, though only to take him by the wrist and lead him towards their destination in long, lazy strides. “Turns out there’s not a lot of options around here, though. This is about the best I could do.”

They turn a few corners and meander down an incline before the place comes into view, the ugly and faded orange brick of the building labelled Stryder’s a sight for sore eyes nonetheless. He’s ready to collapse at this point, but he still needs to lead them to the actual room, swiping a keycard from his pocket through a port on the side door to gain them entry to a hall that doesn’t go directly through the lobby. From there it’s a short walk up a flight of stairs and around the corner before they’re standing in front of unit 8, which Axel wearily unlocks with the same keycard.

As he pushes open the door and grumbles, “make yourself at home,” he comes to realize his mistake. The room is very basic, after all—not much in the way of furniture besides a long, rickety old dresser that a single cup coffee maker and ancient TV sit upon, conveniently situated directly across from the crappy motel room bed for easy viewing access. The one crappy motel room bed. Which is maybe big enough for two people, if Axel is being generous.

Well, shit. He’s wary, eyeing the ratty comforter draping the mattress with barely concealed apprehension. I really did not think this through. Maybe I can sleep in the bathtub…

[terribletwos]

"I'll try not to judge you," Roxas says with a slight cock of his head, natural speed kicking in to maintain pace with Axel's lengthy strides. "Besides, I don't even have my own place yet. Me and Xion have just been staying with Hayner and the others until we can earn some real munny."

He has a feeling that his usual odd jobs aren't going to cut it for something like that. And the Twilight Town gang had been eager to help out, even if most of their trust was based on him and Xion being "Sora's friends." It had strung a little, but he couldn't reject the offer when Xion needed a place too. Besides, Hayner and the others had still been excited to hear about their other versions and had even pointed out some similarities. It could have been a lot more awkward.

But it still felt better to be staying with someone who didn't pepper him with questions about a life he hadn't really lived. Axel could be living in a holed out tree for all he cared. He'd still be thrilled to see it, to have access to more of Axel's life. Roxas' seemed so much more basic in comparison. Maybe because of how much he still had to depend on others to find his footing. Axel was already familiar with most aspects of daily life.

The building is as unimpressive as Axel described but Roxas still finds himself raking his gaze across every inch of it, taking in its entirety. The other tenants seem on the distant side, their clothing a bit more plain than some of the town's residents. The walls of the inside are sparsely decorated compared to what he remembers of his room in the simulation. But they still seem to give off a sense of living, the cracked and faded wallpaper smelling far more real than anything in the castle. The place might not feel welcoming exactly, but it didn't feel sterile either. It was a place with much to talk about.

But that would have to wait as Axel leads them to his room, swiping a card in front of the door. So this place doesn't have the locks he was used to or even the switches he might recognize from the tunnels. Though it's strange that there's so many locking mechanisms to begin with. Were the people here so distrusting of the town outside?

He's distracted from his musings by the number on the door, which earns a breath of laughter from him. He wonders whether Axel chose it or it just happened to be assigned to him. It seems the ghosts of their old lives aren't so easily shaken.

Upon entering, he freezes, bristling when he spots the old monitor. His gaze turns sharp, wary, as he fingers twitch at his side. Until he realizes this monitor isn't hooked up to anything else. No sign of hard drives or even a keyboard. He carefully approaches the device, inspecting it and its tiny knobs with more scrutiny and far more concerned with it than Axel's bed situation.

"What is this thing? Its not a computer."

[hollabastiongirl]

Axel had hummed appreciatively when Roxas mentioned he’d try not to judge but otherwise made no comment, nor did he say anything about his friends’ living situation. Isa wasn’t the only one considering housing arrangements—Axel had been too, but hasn’t come up with any concrete ideas to float between them all yet. He wants to share a place with Xion and Roxas, but can’t predict how Isa would react to being left out again, either. Axel just can’t imagine them all living together peacefully under one roof. Not after everything that’d happened.

Aside from the Twilight Town mansion, Isa had also suggested maybe moving back to their home world instead. It hadn’t sat well with Axel. Radiant Garden may have been his home once, but it wasn’t anymore.

His home isn’t this cheap little motel room, either, but it’s the only place he’s got for now. He sighs while Roxas takes a look around, too focused on his own concerns to notice his friend’s prickling unease. He wouldn’t think the television set would be an issue, anyway. It’s old, but not quite as big of an eyesore as the moth-eaten curtains framing the window dyed the color of peas, or the coarse carpet that’s either a poorly chosen mixture of tan and dark brown or extremely dirty. The veritable closet they consider a bathroom isn’t much to write home about either, grimy yellow tile and all, but Roxas hasn’t ducked in there, yet. At least it’s got a working shower, he supposes.

He definitely isn’t proud of the place. It’s a little embarrassing, not even counting the “only one bed” situation he’d failed to consider.

Axel’s lamenting so fiercely over his ridiculous choice to bring Roxas here, in fact, that it takes him a moment to even realize Roxas has spoken. Green eyes flicker his way in a sidelong glance, noticing that Roxas is practically glaring at the TV with no small amount of suspicion. Huh. Did he say something about a computer?

“It’s a television,” Axel says, finally forcing his legs to carry him over to the bed since he’s been standing over by the doorway like a weirdo this whole time. He plops down on the creaky mattress with a sigh, fumbling for the remote that’s stuck to the bedside table by a strip of velcro. Real classy, this place. “Humans use it to watch, uh, programs?” How does he even explain it? Easier just to show him. He hits the power button on the remote and the screen lights up in turn, the channel it’s on currently showing some black and white program about a silly trio of animated characters and their zany adventures. “Other humans make them. Sometimes real people act out scenes, or sometimes it’s all stuff that’s drawn and animated, like this. They’re called cartoons.”

It probably wouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that his immature ass prefers them over more adult programming, which he tells Roxas with a laugh, forcing the focus of any possible judgement on himself. He doesn’t want Roxas to feel self-conscious about his lack of human experiences again, like he seemed to about the food.

“They’re supposed to be for kids, I guess, but I find ‘em just as hilarious now as I did back then. Probably says a lot about me, huh?” It’s amazing how steady he sounds despite the churning of anxiety in his gut. He’s even wearing his usual easy grin, plastered on like a shield.

He’s still internally freaking out over the bed situation, of course. Trying to figure out an alternative to sharing, but all he can really think of is sleeping on the floor, which would probably be murder on his back. And he can’t exactly ask Roxas to do so, either, seeing as how that wouldn’t be very polite. Axel is the one that got them into this mess, not Roxas, the guest. Well. The guest of the guest. Whatever. It’s bad form, and unlike Roxas, he had a mother that raised him better than that.

“Uh, so,” he starts, grin faltering slightly, “the uh, bed. It might be a tight squeeze, but if you don’t mind sharing, I don’t.” He can’t decide if it’s a lie or not. On the one hand, being close to Roxas is nice. On the other, being close to Roxas is too nice. What ever happened to giving himself space to sort things out, anyway? Lovesick fool. Can’t even be away from him for one damn night now? Jeez. “If you want, though, I can sleep on the floor.”

[terribletwos]

Roxas blinks when the screen flickers on, his eyes slowly adjusting to the ambient light in the otherwise dimly lit area. Oh, this must be like those movies Xion had mentioned Olette telling her about. It was supposed to be a new addition to Twilight Town, which helped him feel a little less out of the loop on its existence.

His grin returns when Axel mentions preferring the cartoons. They seem the type of dopey humor that Axel would just eat up. He can picture a more carefree Axel propped on his side a few feet away from the television, completely cracking up over the way one of the characters runs around in a frantic attempt to find a place for the dessert he somehow set on fire before simply shoving it in the freezer. Roxas is pretty sure something like that would never work in real life, but it's the sort of exaggeration that Axel usually indulges in. Something that never failed to win a smile from Roxas because Axel's excitement was just too infectious.

He scoots back so he can join Axel on the bed, feeling a little dumb for his earlier wariness. He shrugs. "I think it's dumb to classify stuff like that anyway. You like what you like. It doesn't matter how big or small you are." He's realized since coming back that humans tend to get really hung up on these things, separating people by how long they've existed. The idea of "age" is still so weird to him in general.

His attention is more on Axel than the screen so he notices immediately when Axel's grin starts to fade. Though what Axel says after doesn't provide any explanation. It turns his own smile into a more perplexed look, face scrunching as it did whenever he was presented with new information. Is it weird for two people to share a bed? He's never done it before, but he never had a reason to consider it either, always just following routine. Mission, clock tower, sleep, mission.

He searches his mind for a reason behind Axel's sudden edginess. Is it the idea of being that close to Roxas for a longer period of time? Come to think of it, the thought does make Roxas' stomach tighten slightly. But the idea of falling asleep, enveloped in that familiar rush of rich smoke and crisp kerosene, counters the feeling with breathless anticipation and exuberance. It seems that, despite his strange nervousness, Axel feels the same way, given his assertation that he doesn't mind sharing. That's enough for Roxas.

Though the comment about the floor makes him shoot Axel a stupefied and somewhat annoyed look. "What? You're not sleeping on the floor. It's your bed. Anyway, I said I'm going to make sure you get a good rest and there's no way that's happening on the floor." He smooths a hand over the rough sheets atop the mattress. "I don't mind sharing with you. It sounds fun. We never tried it before." He can only imagine how much such a thing would have infuriated Saix.

"Maybe it will make it easier for you to sleep in this place." It does seem awfully lonely. And Axel has always seemed to find it easier to relax around him and Xion. This is helping, right? Maybe even helping them both.

[hollabastiongirl]

“Listen to you, all world-wise,” Axel teases with an affectionate ruffle of Roxas’ hair, pleased that he’s not being made fun of for liking something so ‘immature.’ Isa would, definitely. Roxas’ teasing has always been much gentler than his, never intending for it to bite the way Isa does. They’re obviously very different people, which makes it all the more amusing that Axel has loved them both very deeply at points in his life. Still does, although in one case it’s certainly no longer of the romantic nature. Guess he doesn’t really have a type.

One thing the two of them do have in common, though, is how easily Axel exasperates them sometimes. Could be he just has a talent for it, evoking these sorts of reactions in people. Actually, he’s almost sure he does. But where Isa’s annoyance is as severe as the rest of him, there’s something endearing to the way Roxas scowls at him, even looking all huffy and sour and narrow-eyed. Like a hissy blond kitten with its hackles raised. He’s still just so damn cute Axel could squeeze him to death. Maybe that’s a thought he ought to keep to himself, though; instead, he raises his hands in a show of surrender and looks suitably cowed as he says, “okay, okay. Sorry. You’re right, I’m being dumb. Sharing is caring, yadda yadda yadda.”

Sharing a bed together, for the first time. Sleeping together, which is a double entendre he shouldn’t even be thinking about right now. Definitely not.

He focuses, then, on everything else Roxas has said, schooling his own face into a mask of bland agreement. Axel isn’t actually sure that it will be easier to sleep with Roxas right the hell there considering the way his heart still flutters like a flock of rowdy butterflies damn time their bare skin brushes, but he can’t get out of it now. All he can do is hope for the best—that his heart (and body) behaves. Besides, he’s exhausted enough that it shouldn’t matter anyway. Despite being notoriously cuddly in his sleep, he’ll probably just stay stone-cold passed out in one spot the whole night, unmoving.

So he hopes, anyway.

“Bet you’re right,” Axel finally agrees aloud, forcing himself up to stumble over to the dresser. He opens a drawer and rummages through haphazardly, picking out a pair of fire-frisbee pajama bottoms and an old tank top. Then he glances back at Roxas with his brows furrowed in a perplexed frown. “Oh, hey…did you need something else to wear, or are you gonna sleep in all that?”

[terribletwos]

"Isn't that supposed to be your thing?" Roxas reflexively bats away the hand, his reluctance with being fussed over kicking in. (Axel's assessment of him as a hissy blond kitten isn't too far off.) As much as he's beginning to appreciate the feel of Axel's fingers shifting through his hair on a different level. One not entirely limited to teasing and play. He's still not ready to be doted on just yet.

Instead he takes Axel's hand and leans back against Axel's arm. His index finger traces a lazy symbol over the skin. "Besides, you don't have to worry about that stuff around me. I just like hearing about things you like. I like learning more about this you too." This new hybrid of the Axel he knew and the Lea it seemed everyone else did.

He's relieved when Axel seems to drop the crazy floor idea. Though he's still a little unsure what to make of the suggestion. This feels like another one of those human rules, like the ones about touching and kissing. He's starting to get really fed up with them. There has to be something he can do to help Axel feel less self conscious.

Seeking out Axel's gaze, Roxas brings Axel's hand to his chest, as Axel had done at Mickey's. "I'm really happy you invited me, Axel. I don't care if things aren't perfect. We're not perfect either." They were in this together, after all. This trial of rediscovering life. "That's what makes us special, right?"

He releases Axel when the other goes to fetch something from the dresser. One look at what Axel's holding has him smirking. What in the worlds are those? And what is on them?

"I don't have anything like that," he replies in an amused tone. Though he's seen worse with Hayner's Struggle bat patterned sleepwear. "What else do you have in there?" He lifts his head more to see.

[hollabastiongirl]

“You callin’ me a know-it-all?” Axel asks, playing at being affronted to cover up the way his face burns as Roxas cuddles up to his side and traces wild patterns of heat into the smooth flesh of his arm. He thought he was the one with the power over fire, but Roxas keeps continuing to prove him wrong. Or maybe Roxas just has a power over him. Mouth going a little dry as Roxas mumbles sweet things about getting to know Axel better and how much he likes it, he concedes to himself that yes, yes he does. Roxas has him curled around his little finger and doesn’t need to try. Doesn’t have a clue, even.

After the whole ‘hand-to-chest’ fiasco, with those blue, blue eyes snaring his directly and Roxas being so earnest about how happy he is that they’re together, Axel is all too eager to break away. That’s why he forces himself up after mumbling a placid agreement to Roxas’ words, giving himself a chance to hide his much too tender expression and calm the hell down. He’s going to give himself away at this rate—Roxas may not understand love, exactly, but he’d probably figure it out quick if given half a chance. Axel’s basically handed him all the pieces already; it’s just a matter of time before he lines them up neat.

It’s a thought that’s equally exhilarating as it is terrifying, like a battle you aren’t sure you can win. Though he’s never been one to go down without a fight.

Roxas’ confusion about pajamas, of all things, is what finally calms his thundering heart. He’s chuckling before he knows it, clutching his bottoms to his chest as though Roxas’ haughty amusement at the sight of them is a great insult. “Don’t be such a snob, Rox. These happen to be special edition Firebomb Frisbee pajama pants, and it took me 70 cereal box tops to win them.” By the end of the whole ordeal, he couldn’t even look at a box of Cinnamon Swirls without crippling nausea. “See this little pattern? Used to have weapons just like those. Cool, huh?”

”Ta-da! Whattaya think?” Lea asks, as boisterous and boastful as usual.

The sullen blond kid Lea’s set his sights on gives him the flattest side-eye he’s ever received, and that’s saying something considering Isa is his best friend. “Not a whole lot.”

Axel wrenches himself away from the memory with a shaky inhale, realizing distantly that Roxas had just spoken again. When he focuses his eyes on him, for just a moment, he sees Ventus. He blinks and the image fades, leaving behind a curious Roxas trying to peek into his clothes drawer in its wake. It’s funny, he thinks with a tiny little grin, that even though they look nearly identical, Axel could spot the differences from a hundred miles away.

“Er, you know,” he says abruptly, realizing he’s been quiet for too long. “Lots of stuff. Not like the coat’s the only thing I ever owned.” Though he never really wore anything else after the Fall. “Probably nothing will fit you, but hmm…” He digs around a little more, finally pulling out a pair of purple drawstring shorts and an old Jormungand t-shirt. They were a band he used to like a lot, and he could never bring himself to throw the shirt away despite it being a little too small for him now. The dragon design on the front is still as badass as ever, if a little faded. Axel tosses the bundle at Roxas with a shrug. “These might work.”

[terribletwos]

"You won them?" Roxas stops laughing, as his eyes shine with delighted incredulity. "Okay, that's way better than an extra ice cone. Well, maybe not the part about getting sick from cereal." He pushes himself up to get a better look at the pajamas, studying the Firebomb Frisbees covering them. It's hard to picture Axel wielding something so ridiculous looking. But he can see how they would eventually transition to Axel's usual chakrams. Axel must have always liked throwing stuff around. "I don't know if cool is the word I'd use though," he says with a light laugh.

His laughter comes to an abrupt stop when Axel seems to have trouble catching his breath. Roxas turns to check on him, only to feel like Axel isn't even seeing him. Like he's looking past him. Another memory? "Axel?" he calls carefully.

And just like that, Axel's speaking again, acting as if nothing happened. He realizes that before ending up in Naminé and DiZ's simulation that he had never thought much about people having different clothes. The Organization members always just took care of their cloaks. The first time Axel had shown up with his new outfit had nearly made Roxas do a double take. Both at the unexpected sight of Axel's bare arms and how much less worldly the casual look made him seem. Like he wasn't some figure with knowledge Roxas could never hope to have and was more a person like everyone else in Twilight Town. Like he fit right in. Maybe that was what started Roxas' anxieties about his place in this new life, convinced him that Axel wouldn't understand him now.

Even now, when Axel is spinning countless tales of his time as a human, he's reminded how hard it is to relate to any of it. He can't conjure up memories of his past like Axel. Only shared vague snippets of Sora's life. Ones that he never feels too comfortable sharing (or really accessing most of the time) since they're not his. He doesn't have fun stories of hanging out with his friends in crazy places or eating so much that he considered never eating again. At least ones that Axel wasn't already there for or ones that weren't just artificial implants. He doesn't know most of the places or things Axel references. He barely even understands why they have to change their clothes to sleep when they never did back in the castle.

But more than anything, he wants to find a way to fit himself into this picture, to know that he belongs here. That the distance between him and his human-come-Nobody-come-human friend isn't as vast as it seems during times like these. He just needs to keep building memories, keep feigning humanity until it starts to feel real.

He comes out of his thoughts just in time to catch the clothes Axel tosses at him. He smiles again at the elaborately detailed creature (it sort of reminds him of the Dustflier only a lot more majestic). "Now, this one's cool." And definitely Axel's style.

[hollabastiongirl]

Axel huffs a put-upon sigh as yet another sulky blond kid insults his favorite starter weapons from years and years ago. “No respect, I tell you,” he grumbles, though only a moment later he’s grinning again, clearly not as aggravated as Roxas may’ve believed him to be. He knows they were a little lame, but they’d meant a lot to him at the time. Served him well in practice, anyway. He definitely prefers the chakrams now, though. The weight of them in his hands is a comfort, even more so than any keyblade could be. Not that he’s used it since the Keyblade Graveyard. So not his thing.

He may have missed Roxas calling his name, but he doesn’t miss the way his eyes go cloudy and dark like the ocean amidst a storm. There’s treasure buried beneath the surface, a hoarded wealth of emotions and thoughts that Axel isn’t privy to. Whatever it is that Roxas is keeping inside, it’s casting a troubled shadow across his face; a thundercloud blanketing the light of the sun. Axel doesn’t like it at all. There’s been too much of that look today already, but he can’t even guess what brought it back.

He pauses, wracking his brain. What had they just been talking about? Silly pajamas, right? Cereal box tops? Huh. Is it about Axel mentioning his past, maybe? But isn’t that what Roxas wants? Hadn’t he just said he likes getting to know Axel better? Is he doing something wrong?

Before he can ask anything about it, however, the storm passes. Roxas examines his shirt and smiles, that little curve of his lips brightening his whole face. Axel’s relieved, but the previously building tension that suddenly drains from his body makes him all the more tired. He really needs to take a fucking nap before he suffers anymore emotional whiplash.

“You can have it if it fits okay,” Axel says around a yawn, scratching at the back of his head in mild agitation. Damn it. He’s starting to feel a little twitchy, the way he gets after too many nights of poor sleep. “Someone should get to wear it, anyway, and it’s too small for me now. I’m gonna go get changed. Back in a sec.”

It doesn’t take him long despite the part of him that wants to stall. He’s in and out of the bathroom in under ten minutes, coming out looking far more relaxed in his comfortable clothes, his previous outfit bundles in his arms. The pajama bottoms he’s wearing are still silky soft after all these years, though they do hang a little low on his hips since he’s taller now than he was back then. Thankfully there’s a drawstring to tie so they don’t slip off.

As he puts his dirty clothes in the cheap wicker hamper sitting in the corner that he bought recently, he mumbles to Roxas, “your turn. Only if you want to, though. I just don’t like sleeping in my regular clothes.” He never has, even during the Organization days. He practically slept naked rather than lounge around in that stupid coat, but obviously he keeps that tidbit of info to himself. “If you’re more comfortable in what you’re wearing, that’s fine.”