[PSL] The New Day

[terribletwos]

So much had been going on since Roxas' return that he barely had time to process much of it. Between the final battle with Xehanort, the reunion with the Twilight Town Trio, the surprise trip to Destiny Islands and the general overwhelming and nearly unfathomable reality of his friends' presence, he'd been mostly operating on auto-pilot. Any sense of reflexion he might have otherwise squeezed in was all but pushed aside by Sora's sudden disappearance and the sense of unease and disorientation that followed. The lack of wholeness after months of being completely connected to another person, another self. It left him feeling lost in his own new Replica body and weighed down by a sense of loneliness, despite the abundance of friends, old and new, constantly around him.

Maybe that's why he decided against his typical refuge of the clock tower and instead found his way to the old mansion. Namine was no longer there of course, having taken up Riku's offer to spend some time at Destiny Islands, creating real memories to replace the ones she had invented for herself and Sora's friends. She had told him as much when she temporarily turned down his request to join everyone in Twilight Town. Unlike him and Xion, Twilight Town had never really been a home for Namine, just a place of false memory and regret.

Roxas delays stepping into the mansion, first glancing up at the window where he first got his glimpse of Namine, recalling everything that came after it. All of it eventually culminating in DiZ, no, Ansem summoning him here, where everything was supposed to end. And it would have, if not for Sora. The thought of his Other brings his hand to his chest, feeling the impossible heart beating there.

How is he supposed to explain this feeling of total disconnect to his friends? Even Xion wouldn't completely understand, having never been a true Nobody. Ventus might, but he's catching up with his own friends. And Namine still had Kairi at least.

He breathes out a heavy sigh, as he reaches to pull open the mansion door.

Comments

[hollabastiongirl]

“Try and stop me,” Axel purrs low in Roxas’ ear before he’s bullied backwards by a jabby finger to the chest. It’s obvious Roxas isn’t actually upset anyway; the smile on his face—as breathtaking as the sun rising after a long, dark night—gives him away. Axel chuckles as he’s poked again, another wingbeat of euphoria fluttering against his ribs at the point of their contact. At the memory of their Clocktower, and the way the sun always set so red and full. Even in all it’s beauty, Roxas puts it to shame.

Maybe he really is the sap. Axel doesn’t mind.

His own hand, warm with the blossoming heat of his inner fire, comes up to wrap around Roxas’. To hold it against his chest like something precious, so that maybe Roxas can feel the thumping rhythm of his heart. To know the way it races at their contact as though trying to break free. It’s a reminder of how far they’ve come; of all that they’ve accomplished by believing in each other. It’s a promise that they can make it through anything, too—even getting Sora back. Axel knows they will.

Roxas says he’s lucky, and he can’t agree more. He’s the luckiest even with just what he has now despite his traitorous heart wanting for more.

“I really am, aren’t I?” Axel says with a smile so tender and serious it probably takes them both by surprise. The tips of his ears go a little pink—he’s giving too much away. Trying to change the subject, Axel clears his throat and gives the hand in his a gentle squeeze, dropping their joined grip down to the ugly green vinyl of the booth bench before he lets go. That is quite enough of that, he thinks. “Anyway! We should probably get out of here before they throw us out. On the walk back from the bathroom that waitress was giving me the stink eye.”

There’s still eyes on them, in fact. Axel can feel people staring, belatedly embarrassed. Oh well.

[terribletwos]

Roxas is so caught up in his play that sultry purr in his ear nearly completely disarms him, as it brings that hot intense feeling but to his belly. The way Axel's breath tickles the sensitive insides of his ear, shifts the stands of hair half covering it. He knows his face is probably as red as Axel's hair. It almost makes him squirm in discomfort, makes him want to tell Axel to knock it off. But it also means that Axel is extremely close, that his attention is on Roxas and Roxas alone. He can suck up a little discomfort for that privilege.

He resorts to more teasing to bulldoze through his unsettled feelings, finding it easier as Axel laughs and allows himself to be mercilessly bullied. As always, that reassuring laugh slows the churning inside him, flooding his mind with memories of their special days. Of occasional glances from the watching the drama of the sunset unfold to just watching the serene look on his best friend's face. Of listening to Axel explain the ways of the world in his overly sentimental way. Of knowing that this Axel was for him and Xion only. Of sometimes finding his head falling against his best friend's shoulder, as he allowed himself to drift in the one place he felt truly safe.

Roxas can't get enough of it. Maybe that's why he doesn't remove his finger when continuing his exaggerated teasing.

Which proves to be an interesting choice when Axel suddenly takes it and holds it against his chest. Roxas has to swallow, as he feels the rapid rhythm, even more noticeable than the searing heat around his hand, though he knows it's Axel's, that Axel isn't doing anything. This is all Roxas. Roxas reacting to being held in some a purposeful way. Not a frantic grasp for comfort amid a faltering mind. Not a fierce demand for understanding to keep Roxas from tearing away. Just a wish to share this feeling with Roxas. To share this result of what that they had both fought so hard for, that Sora had given everything for. Feeling that pulse beneath his fist really does make Roxas feel that just about anything is possible, if they could manage something as unbelievable as this.

He shifts his fingers to flatten his hand in order to feel more, to see whether he can align Axel's pace with his own heartbeat. Line up the pieces. Maybe the tiny incompatibilities he's been tripping over aren't as dire as he's let himself believe. The important connection is still here. He can work on the rest. Even his confusing new body. They have time now, as Axel said.

Roxas gazes up at Axel, expression full of wonder and blossoming joy, as he hears Axel agree with his statement about being lucky. He'd meant it as another tease, but that smile speaks to something much more profound and grateful. Something that makes Roxas feel prouder than he's ever felt, like he could literally burst from the happiness welling up in him. He's smiling so hard it should probably hurt, and it does a little, but this feels more like a good hurt. Like in the Keyblade Graveyard, when he finally had a moment, beyond the fighting, to really process that he, Axel and Xion were together again.

Axel's act of pointedly clearing his throat causes some of his wild fiery hair to shift closer to his mouth. Roxas' attention fixates on it, only somewhat noticing Axel has lowered their hands again and that the incredible heat against his skin has melted away. He hardly notices Axel is speaking again either, as he reaches up to softly brush those errant strands away and behind Axel's ear, not even sure why, just that they're too close to that nice smile. "Yeah..." Maybe he does catch that bit about the waitress though, as his smile turns slightly more self-satisfied. "I guess she'll have to find someone else to flirt with."

Unlike Axel, he's wholly oblivious to their potential audience. Not that he would care either way. Other than to be annoyed at people watching him.

His hand is shaking a bit from his last move so he rests it on Axel's neck to calm it. "There's always the beach." They can't throw them out of there. Probably.

[hollabastiongirl]

Of all the things Roxas could’ve done after Axel relinquished the hold on his hand, tenderly brushing the wild red hair away from Axel’s face is one of the most unexpected. It gives him major pause, lips parting in a silent notion of surprise. He doesn’t comment on it though, as Roxas’ smile slants from sparkling to smug, clearly satisfied that their pretty waitress won’t be giving Axel her number anytime soon. That little shit. Axel huffs softly through a grin.

He should be a little more sour about that, maybe. He’s supposed to be trying to smother the fire that crackles in his heart for his best friend, not fanning the flames. The resulting smoke fills his lungs thick enough to choke. He can’t help but be a little thrilled, though, that Roxas cares so much. Can’t help but feel a little flattered. Can’t help he way he swallows hard as gentle fingers skid across his throat, Roxas resting his hand against the side of Axel’s neck as though it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Maybe it is. It feels like it, anyway.

“What is with you and the beach,” he mumbles, the sound of his own voice distant and slightly more breathless in his ears than he’d like. “Did you inherent some kind of weird Islander sand fetish from Sora? That shit’ll stick around in your shoes forever, ya know.” His mother used to have a quirky little saying about that—how the three things you could never get rid of were sand, blood, and relatives. Although the relatives part clearly isn’t true; Axel hasn’t seen any family since before the Fall. “Er, anywho,” he continues, focusing on the present over the past, “we should probably wait ‘til tomorrow for all that. Xion’ll kill us if we go without her. And I need a nap, remember? I’m ready to get into my crappy motel bed even if I have to crawl there.”

He slaps down some munny on the table and ushers the two of them out of the booth, leaving the rest of his food behind. He’s hardly hungry anymore, and anyway, the waitress had not-so-subtly encouraged him to leave by handing Axel the bill when he’d been on his way back to the table. He’s sure to leave her a nice tip for all the trouble.

Once they’re back out into the streets, the pleasantly warm breeze of Twilight Town tousling his hair, Axel stretches hard and yawns, scratching at the back of his head. He turns to Roxas with a smile, though it’s more apologetic than anything. “We’ll meet up again tomorrow, okay? I know we talked about ice cream, but really, I need to catch some zee’s.” He also needs time to gather his thoughts and reflect on the day, but that goes without saying. “Call you in the morning?”

[terribletwos]

Roxas pulls back, inadvertently stung by the comment. "I like the sound of the water. It's peaceful."

He knows Axel's probably right, that his fascination with the ocean originates from his Other, that it's the reason holding a seashell to his ear can calm the worst of his nerves. It's not the only trait he shares with Sora either. More important, these little similarities are his only remaining connection to Sora. He should want to cling to them.

But the reminder that something so important to him, so important that it had driven him even in his digital reality, that it had manifested as the second strongest source of his power with his new body... That that something isn't really his sits poorly with his earlier uncertainties about his new existence. Knowing that Axel surely didn't mean it that way does little to alter the sour feeling in his mouth.

He doesn't resist much when Axel changes the subject again, though he does feel a stab of guilt when Axel reminds him that their beach trips should involve Xion too. Had he gotten so wrapped up in his new feelings that he completely forgot that? Thank goodness Axel hadn't. Maybe he does need to be more careful with all of this. It's messing with his head, controlling him more than he realized. Emotions are terrifying, and these new ones are even worse. How do people manage them enough to do the things Axel talked about? Flirting. Kissing Dating.

Loving.

He nods at Axel's comment about Xion, forcing a tight smile. "Right, she'll never let us hear the end of it. And I guess a bed's more comfortable than sleeping on the sand." Not that Roxas would mind. He'd be fine with living on the beach if it was an option.

Roxas remains mostly quiet as they exit the restaurant and return to the streets. He glances around them, curious if he'll spot any more pairs like the one before. Maybe seeing them against could help him understand these feelings more. Especially the growing unease he feels at that apologetic smile, at the inkling that something is going on here that he doesn't quite grasp. Did he do something? No, Axel does need sleep; he looks like he hasn't had it in weeks. Roxas is just letting the stress of the day get to him. It's not like it's any different from the other times when they've parted for the night. (Except that they lived in the same building back then.)

He nods again, keeping it as firm and confident as he can. "Yeah. Maybe we can go look for a new board. As long you don't sleep all day." He's pleased that the last part seems to flow naturally, despite his dumb anxieties. He feels steady again, safe in the customary.

[hollabastiongirl]

Axel hadn’t made any comment about it, but he’d noticed the way Roxas’ withdrew at his lighthearted jab about the beach. He’d noted the falsity of his smile as he talked about Xion, tight-lipped and stretched thin. Obviously he’d upset Roxas somehow, though with his mental capacities at about halfway functional, Axel didn’t have the wherewithal to figure out why. Still, he’d winced internally as they exited Mickey’s, wondering if there was a way to make things right before they went their separate ways.

Standing out in the Tram Commons of Twilight Town, though, with Roxas looking up at him though dark, full lashes, hair brightened in hues of flame and gold by streaks of sunset, Axel finds that his words are sticking painfully in his throat. He wants to apologize with more than just a stupid smile—a least a touch, maybe, to the smooth skin of Roxas’ cheek, like before—but it’s hard to reach out, the space between them feeling suddenly vast.

It’s his own fault, he knows. He’s the one making it awkward, and mostly for himself at that. He’s the one standing here thinking too much about Roxas. Foolish things. Sappy things, like the way his voice is a melody Axel could never tire of. Like the fact that even as a part of him wishes to pull away, most of him hates to let go. Things like, for all of his sharp edges, deadly and unforgiving as the blades he wields, Roxas is most beautiful when he’s soft and framed by the light of the setting sun.

Axel, realization coming on far too late and all at once like a damn breaking, is the one that went and fell in love with his best friend.

“Yeah,” he agrees steadily, even as his insides violently ripple with the shock of his reluctant revelation. “We can do that. Maybe Xion’ll want one, too. You can teach her.” There may even be a skate park near the beach if he’s remembering correctly, though he doesn’t say it aloud in case he isn’t. Axel doesn’t want to disappoint Roxas more than he already has. Than he is right now, by trying to force them to go separate ways. Right, they should be saying goodbye. “Uh…where’re you guys staying, anyway?”

Huh. That’s not what he meant to say.

Say goodbye, Axel scolds himself, even as an idea unfolds delicately in his mind the way flower petals bloom. Don’t you dare do this. Don’t fucking say it. You’re being so, so stupid right now.

Okay, then. Yeah. He pauses, steels himself, and says without a second thought, “you can stay with me tonight. Ya know. If you want.”

Oh goddamnit.

[terribletwos]

Roxas perks up a little more at the idea of introducing his friends to his second favorite pastime. At least he hopes it's still his second favorite pastime. He hasn't really ever done it outside of the simulation. Why had Naminé included that in the scenario anyway? Well, at worst, it can be something they can learn together.

"Or I can teach you both. We can all pick something up."

Does Axel already know how to skate? He's never mentioned it before, not that he had any real reason to. It would be interesting to see, given Axel's towering height. But with the way Axel loves to jump around during a fight, he should pick it up quick, if he doesn't already know. He'd probably even look cooler than Roxas, with that wild hair fanning out behind him like a blazing lion mane on every leap. And Xion, like Roxas, has always learned through mimicry. He can see her matching his jumps to keep in perfect face with him, laughing at the excitement of it all.

It would make for a great outing and a way to smooth over the awkwardness of the last few days. Thinking about it even makes him feel a little less melancholy over splitting up with Axel again. He doesn't have to try so hard for that tiny smile.

He's half lost in the daydream until he hears Axel ask him where he and Xion have been staying. He's about to explain the temporary situation with the Twilight Town gang before Axel answers for him.

"You can stay with me tonight."

The color drains from his face out of pure shock, even as his eyes pick up a sparkle that would put the biggest and most shimmering orichalcum to shame. Axel invited him to stay. Sure, they had all fantasized about living together back when all they had was the Organization and the castle. But reality had proven a lot more complicated than those far off dreams. And even now, he understands that this is just a night. Its not a permanent thing. But it feels... big.

Axel hadn't been trying to break away after all. Or if he had, something had made him change his mind. Because Axel had never, in all the time they've been together, asked him to stay with him. Back then, it had still been about the Organization. This was different. Axel had no reason now. Except... he wanted Roxas.

I want Axel too.

His chest feels fluttery again, that excited but emotion-strained smile bubbling over his lips, as he clears the little space between them. A moment later, his arms are around Axel's waist. This hug thing is coming a little easier to him now. Or maybe that's just Axel and the relaxing warmth that seems to flow from him into Roxas.

"Sure. I'd... like that." He's still looking up at Axel with a soft laugh. "I'll make sure you actually get some sleep this time."

[hollabastiongirl]

“Pick me up off the ground, maybe,” Axel grumbles under his breath, clearly not thrilled with the idea of skateboarding. Maybe it makes him old and uncool, but he prefers his feet planted firmly on the ground. He may boast a lazy, wildcat-like grace in battle, but he has a feeling it won’t translate well with wheels underneath. He’ll give it a try, though, if it’ll make Roxas and Xion happy. Even if he does end up eating gravel.

He’s about to say so when Roxas goes pale, wide eyes boring up at him with gleaming disbelief. Alarmed, Axel tries to ask if something is wrong before a brilliant smile splits Roxas’ lips, the words drying up in his mouth as an excited bundle of blond and blue and checkerboard trim launches itself into him. Axel looses a breath in a quiet “oof,” the warmth and pressure of Roxas’ arms around his waist a surprise, though not an unpleasant one. He’s quick to react anyway, his own arm coming up to drape across Roxas’ shoulders. They probably shouldn’t be standing like this out in the open, but for the moment, Axel can’t bring himself to care. He returns Roxas’ smile with one of his own, lips curved in a rarer show of gentle fondness.

Roxas wants to stay with him. He’d said yes, happily. And though the thought is a little juvenile, Axel can’t help but chuckle at the fact that they’re going to have a sleepover. Something about this sets off an annoying little bell of warning in the back of his head, but it’s drowned out by the rush of pounding blood in Axel’s ears. His heart has picked up its tempo again, clearly pleased with this unexpected turn of events despite Axel’s initial hesitance. He lets it thrum, relishing in the feeling of a racing pulse, fully alive. Hell with it, he thinks, as recklessly as always. Can’t hurt, right? I’m already in deep.

“You might not like it so much when you see the sorry state of this place,” Axel jokes as he wriggles free of Roxas’ hold, though only to take him by the wrist and lead him towards their destination in long, lazy strides. “Turns out there’s not a lot of options around here, though. This is about the best I could do.”

They turn a few corners and meander down an incline before the place comes into view, the ugly and faded orange brick of the building labelled Stryder’s a sight for sore eyes nonetheless. He’s ready to collapse at this point, but he still needs to lead them to the actual room, swiping a keycard from his pocket through a port on the side door to gain them entry to a hall that doesn’t go directly through the lobby. From there it’s a short walk up a flight of stairs and around the corner before they’re standing in front of unit 8, which Axel wearily unlocks with the same keycard.

As he pushes open the door and grumbles, “make yourself at home,” he comes to realize his mistake. The room is very basic, after all—not much in the way of furniture besides a long, rickety old dresser that a single cup coffee maker and ancient TV sit upon, conveniently situated directly across from the crappy motel room bed for easy viewing access. The one crappy motel room bed. Which is maybe big enough for two people, if Axel is being generous.

Well, shit. He’s wary, eyeing the ratty comforter draping the mattress with barely concealed apprehension. I really did not think this through. Maybe I can sleep in the bathtub…

[terribletwos]

"I'll try not to judge you," Roxas says with a slight cock of his head, natural speed kicking in to maintain pace with Axel's lengthy strides. "Besides, I don't even have my own place yet. Me and Xion have just been staying with Hayner and the others until we can earn some real munny."

He has a feeling that his usual odd jobs aren't going to cut it for something like that. And the Twilight Town gang had been eager to help out, even if most of their trust was based on him and Xion being "Sora's friends." It had strung a little, but he couldn't reject the offer when Xion needed a place too. Besides, Hayner and the others had still been excited to hear about their other versions and had even pointed out some similarities. It could have been a lot more awkward.

But it still felt better to be staying with someone who didn't pepper him with questions about a life he hadn't really lived. Axel could be living in a holed out tree for all he cared. He'd still be thrilled to see it, to have access to more of Axel's life. Roxas' seemed so much more basic in comparison. Maybe because of how much he still had to depend on others to find his footing. Axel was already familiar with most aspects of daily life.

The building is as unimpressive as Axel described but Roxas still finds himself raking his gaze across every inch of it, taking in its entirety. The other tenants seem on the distant side, their clothing a bit more plain than some of the town's residents. The walls of the inside are sparsely decorated compared to what he remembers of his room in the simulation. But they still seem to give off a sense of living, the cracked and faded wallpaper smelling far more real than anything in the castle. The place might not feel welcoming exactly, but it didn't feel sterile either. It was a place with much to talk about.

But that would have to wait as Axel leads them to his room, swiping a card in front of the door. So this place doesn't have the locks he was used to or even the switches he might recognize from the tunnels. Though it's strange that there's so many locking mechanisms to begin with. Were the people here so distrusting of the town outside?

He's distracted from his musings by the number on the door, which earns a breath of laughter from him. He wonders whether Axel chose it or it just happened to be assigned to him. It seems the ghosts of their old lives aren't so easily shaken.

Upon entering, he freezes, bristling when he spots the old monitor. His gaze turns sharp, wary, as he fingers twitch at his side. Until he realizes this monitor isn't hooked up to anything else. No sign of hard drives or even a keyboard. He carefully approaches the device, inspecting it and its tiny knobs with more scrutiny and far more concerned with it than Axel's bed situation.

"What is this thing? Its not a computer."

[hollabastiongirl]

Axel had hummed appreciatively when Roxas mentioned he’d try not to judge but otherwise made no comment, nor did he say anything about his friends’ living situation. Isa wasn’t the only one considering housing arrangements—Axel had been too, but hasn’t come up with any concrete ideas to float between them all yet. He wants to share a place with Xion and Roxas, but can’t predict how Isa would react to being left out again, either. Axel just can’t imagine them all living together peacefully under one roof. Not after everything that’d happened.

Aside from the Twilight Town mansion, Isa had also suggested maybe moving back to their home world instead. It hadn’t sat well with Axel. Radiant Garden may have been his home once, but it wasn’t anymore.

His home isn’t this cheap little motel room, either, but it’s the only place he’s got for now. He sighs while Roxas takes a look around, too focused on his own concerns to notice his friend’s prickling unease. He wouldn’t think the television set would be an issue, anyway. It’s old, but not quite as big of an eyesore as the moth-eaten curtains framing the window dyed the color of peas, or the coarse carpet that’s either a poorly chosen mixture of tan and dark brown or extremely dirty. The veritable closet they consider a bathroom isn’t much to write home about either, grimy yellow tile and all, but Roxas hasn’t ducked in there, yet. At least it’s got a working shower, he supposes.

He definitely isn’t proud of the place. It’s a little embarrassing, not even counting the “only one bed” situation he’d failed to consider.

Axel’s lamenting so fiercely over his ridiculous choice to bring Roxas here, in fact, that it takes him a moment to even realize Roxas has spoken. Green eyes flicker his way in a sidelong glance, noticing that Roxas is practically glaring at the TV with no small amount of suspicion. Huh. Did he say something about a computer?

“It’s a television,” Axel says, finally forcing his legs to carry him over to the bed since he’s been standing over by the doorway like a weirdo this whole time. He plops down on the creaky mattress with a sigh, fumbling for the remote that’s stuck to the bedside table by a strip of velcro. Real classy, this place. “Humans use it to watch, uh, programs?” How does he even explain it? Easier just to show him. He hits the power button on the remote and the screen lights up in turn, the channel it’s on currently showing some black and white program about a silly trio of animated characters and their zany adventures. “Other humans make them. Sometimes real people act out scenes, or sometimes it’s all stuff that’s drawn and animated, like this. They’re called cartoons.”

It probably wouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that his immature ass prefers them over more adult programming, which he tells Roxas with a laugh, forcing the focus of any possible judgement on himself. He doesn’t want Roxas to feel self-conscious about his lack of human experiences again, like he seemed to about the food.

“They’re supposed to be for kids, I guess, but I find ‘em just as hilarious now as I did back then. Probably says a lot about me, huh?” It’s amazing how steady he sounds despite the churning of anxiety in his gut. He’s even wearing his usual easy grin, plastered on like a shield.

He’s still internally freaking out over the bed situation, of course. Trying to figure out an alternative to sharing, but all he can really think of is sleeping on the floor, which would probably be murder on his back. And he can’t exactly ask Roxas to do so, either, seeing as how that wouldn’t be very polite. Axel is the one that got them into this mess, not Roxas, the guest. Well. The guest of the guest. Whatever. It’s bad form, and unlike Roxas, he had a mother that raised him better than that.

“Uh, so,” he starts, grin faltering slightly, “the uh, bed. It might be a tight squeeze, but if you don’t mind sharing, I don’t.” He can’t decide if it’s a lie or not. On the one hand, being close to Roxas is nice. On the other, being close to Roxas is too nice. What ever happened to giving himself space to sort things out, anyway? Lovesick fool. Can’t even be away from him for one damn night now? Jeez. “If you want, though, I can sleep on the floor.”

[terribletwos]

Roxas blinks when the screen flickers on, his eyes slowly adjusting to the ambient light in the otherwise dimly lit area. Oh, this must be like those movies Xion had mentioned Olette telling her about. It was supposed to be a new addition to Twilight Town, which helped him feel a little less out of the loop on its existence.

His grin returns when Axel mentions preferring the cartoons. They seem the type of dopey humor that Axel would just eat up. He can picture a more carefree Axel propped on his side a few feet away from the television, completely cracking up over the way one of the characters runs around in a frantic attempt to find a place for the dessert he somehow set on fire before simply shoving it in the freezer. Roxas is pretty sure something like that would never work in real life, but it's the sort of exaggeration that Axel usually indulges in. Something that never failed to win a smile from Roxas because Axel's excitement was just too infectious.

He scoots back so he can join Axel on the bed, feeling a little dumb for his earlier wariness. He shrugs. "I think it's dumb to classify stuff like that anyway. You like what you like. It doesn't matter how big or small you are." He's realized since coming back that humans tend to get really hung up on these things, separating people by how long they've existed. The idea of "age" is still so weird to him in general.

His attention is more on Axel than the screen so he notices immediately when Axel's grin starts to fade. Though what Axel says after doesn't provide any explanation. It turns his own smile into a more perplexed look, face scrunching as it did whenever he was presented with new information. Is it weird for two people to share a bed? He's never done it before, but he never had a reason to consider it either, always just following routine. Mission, clock tower, sleep, mission.

He searches his mind for a reason behind Axel's sudden edginess. Is it the idea of being that close to Roxas for a longer period of time? Come to think of it, the thought does make Roxas' stomach tighten slightly. But the idea of falling asleep, enveloped in that familiar rush of rich smoke and crisp kerosene, counters the feeling with breathless anticipation and exuberance. It seems that, despite his strange nervousness, Axel feels the same way, given his assertation that he doesn't mind sharing. That's enough for Roxas.

Though the comment about the floor makes him shoot Axel a stupefied and somewhat annoyed look. "What? You're not sleeping on the floor. It's your bed. Anyway, I said I'm going to make sure you get a good rest and there's no way that's happening on the floor." He smooths a hand over the rough sheets atop the mattress. "I don't mind sharing with you. It sounds fun. We never tried it before." He can only imagine how much such a thing would have infuriated Saix.

"Maybe it will make it easier for you to sleep in this place." It does seem awfully lonely. And Axel has always seemed to find it easier to relax around him and Xion. This is helping, right? Maybe even helping them both.

[hollabastiongirl]

“Listen to you, all world-wise,” Axel teases with an affectionate ruffle of Roxas’ hair, pleased that he’s not being made fun of for liking something so ‘immature.’ Isa would, definitely. Roxas’ teasing has always been much gentler than his, never intending for it to bite the way Isa does. They’re obviously very different people, which makes it all the more amusing that Axel has loved them both very deeply at points in his life. Still does, although in one case it’s certainly no longer of the romantic nature. Guess he doesn’t really have a type.

One thing the two of them do have in common, though, is how easily Axel exasperates them sometimes. Could be he just has a talent for it, evoking these sorts of reactions in people. Actually, he’s almost sure he does. But where Isa’s annoyance is as severe as the rest of him, there’s something endearing to the way Roxas scowls at him, even looking all huffy and sour and narrow-eyed. Like a hissy blond kitten with its hackles raised. He’s still just so damn cute Axel could squeeze him to death. Maybe that’s a thought he ought to keep to himself, though; instead, he raises his hands in a show of surrender and looks suitably cowed as he says, “okay, okay. Sorry. You’re right, I’m being dumb. Sharing is caring, yadda yadda yadda.”

Sharing a bed together, for the first time. Sleeping together, which is a double entendre he shouldn’t even be thinking about right now. Definitely not.

He focuses, then, on everything else Roxas has said, schooling his own face into a mask of bland agreement. Axel isn’t actually sure that it will be easier to sleep with Roxas right the hell there considering the way his heart still flutters like a flock of rowdy butterflies damn time their bare skin brushes, but he can’t get out of it now. All he can do is hope for the best—that his heart (and body) behaves. Besides, he’s exhausted enough that it shouldn’t matter anyway. Despite being notoriously cuddly in his sleep, he’ll probably just stay stone-cold passed out in one spot the whole night, unmoving.

So he hopes, anyway.

“Bet you’re right,” Axel finally agrees aloud, forcing himself up to stumble over to the dresser. He opens a drawer and rummages through haphazardly, picking out a pair of fire-frisbee pajama bottoms and an old tank top. Then he glances back at Roxas with his brows furrowed in a perplexed frown. “Oh, hey…did you need something else to wear, or are you gonna sleep in all that?”

[terribletwos]

"Isn't that supposed to be your thing?" Roxas reflexively bats away the hand, his reluctance with being fussed over kicking in. (Axel's assessment of him as a hissy blond kitten isn't too far off.) As much as he's beginning to appreciate the feel of Axel's fingers shifting through his hair on a different level. One not entirely limited to teasing and play. He's still not ready to be doted on just yet.

Instead he takes Axel's hand and leans back against Axel's arm. His index finger traces a lazy symbol over the skin. "Besides, you don't have to worry about that stuff around me. I just like hearing about things you like. I like learning more about this you too." This new hybrid of the Axel he knew and the Lea it seemed everyone else did.

He's relieved when Axel seems to drop the crazy floor idea. Though he's still a little unsure what to make of the suggestion. This feels like another one of those human rules, like the ones about touching and kissing. He's starting to get really fed up with them. There has to be something he can do to help Axel feel less self conscious.

Seeking out Axel's gaze, Roxas brings Axel's hand to his chest, as Axel had done at Mickey's. "I'm really happy you invited me, Axel. I don't care if things aren't perfect. We're not perfect either." They were in this together, after all. This trial of rediscovering life. "That's what makes us special, right?"

He releases Axel when the other goes to fetch something from the dresser. One look at what Axel's holding has him smirking. What in the worlds are those? And what is on them?

"I don't have anything like that," he replies in an amused tone. Though he's seen worse with Hayner's Struggle bat patterned sleepwear. "What else do you have in there?" He lifts his head more to see.

[hollabastiongirl]

“You callin’ me a know-it-all?” Axel asks, playing at being affronted to cover up the way his face burns as Roxas cuddles up to his side and traces wild patterns of heat into the smooth flesh of his arm. He thought he was the one with the power over fire, but Roxas keeps continuing to prove him wrong. Or maybe Roxas just has a power over him. Mouth going a little dry as Roxas mumbles sweet things about getting to know Axel better and how much he likes it, he concedes to himself that yes, yes he does. Roxas has him curled around his little finger and doesn’t need to try. Doesn’t have a clue, even.

After the whole ‘hand-to-chest’ fiasco, with those blue, blue eyes snaring his directly and Roxas being so earnest about how happy he is that they’re together, Axel is all too eager to break away. That’s why he forces himself up after mumbling a placid agreement to Roxas’ words, giving himself a chance to hide his much too tender expression and calm the hell down. He’s going to give himself away at this rate—Roxas may not understand love, exactly, but he’d probably figure it out quick if given half a chance. Axel’s basically handed him all the pieces already; it’s just a matter of time before he lines them up neat.

It’s a thought that’s equally exhilarating as it is terrifying, like a battle you aren’t sure you can win. Though he’s never been one to go down without a fight.

Roxas’ confusion about pajamas, of all things, is what finally calms his thundering heart. He’s chuckling before he knows it, clutching his bottoms to his chest as though Roxas’ haughty amusement at the sight of them is a great insult. “Don’t be such a snob, Rox. These happen to be special edition Firebomb Frisbee pajama pants, and it took me 70 cereal box tops to win them.” By the end of the whole ordeal, he couldn’t even look at a box of Cinnamon Swirls without crippling nausea. “See this little pattern? Used to have weapons just like those. Cool, huh?”

”Ta-da! Whattaya think?” Lea asks, as boisterous and boastful as usual.

The sullen blond kid Lea’s set his sights on gives him the flattest side-eye he’s ever received, and that’s saying something considering Isa is his best friend. “Not a whole lot.”

Axel wrenches himself away from the memory with a shaky inhale, realizing distantly that Roxas had just spoken again. When he focuses his eyes on him, for just a moment, he sees Ventus. He blinks and the image fades, leaving behind a curious Roxas trying to peek into his clothes drawer in its wake. It’s funny, he thinks with a tiny little grin, that even though they look nearly identical, Axel could spot the differences from a hundred miles away.

“Er, you know,” he says abruptly, realizing he’s been quiet for too long. “Lots of stuff. Not like the coat’s the only thing I ever owned.” Though he never really wore anything else after the Fall. “Probably nothing will fit you, but hmm…” He digs around a little more, finally pulling out a pair of purple drawstring shorts and an old Jormungand t-shirt. They were a band he used to like a lot, and he could never bring himself to throw the shirt away despite it being a little too small for him now. The dragon design on the front is still as badass as ever, if a little faded. Axel tosses the bundle at Roxas with a shrug. “These might work.”

[terribletwos]

"You won them?" Roxas stops laughing, as his eyes shine with delighted incredulity. "Okay, that's way better than an extra ice cone. Well, maybe not the part about getting sick from cereal." He pushes himself up to get a better look at the pajamas, studying the Firebomb Frisbees covering them. It's hard to picture Axel wielding something so ridiculous looking. But he can see how they would eventually transition to Axel's usual chakrams. Axel must have always liked throwing stuff around. "I don't know if cool is the word I'd use though," he says with a light laugh.

His laughter comes to an abrupt stop when Axel seems to have trouble catching his breath. Roxas turns to check on him, only to feel like Axel isn't even seeing him. Like he's looking past him. Another memory? "Axel?" he calls carefully.

And just like that, Axel's speaking again, acting as if nothing happened. He realizes that before ending up in Naminé and DiZ's simulation that he had never thought much about people having different clothes. The Organization members always just took care of their cloaks. The first time Axel had shown up with his new outfit had nearly made Roxas do a double take. Both at the unexpected sight of Axel's bare arms and how much less worldly the casual look made him seem. Like he wasn't some figure with knowledge Roxas could never hope to have and was more a person like everyone else in Twilight Town. Like he fit right in. Maybe that was what started Roxas' anxieties about his place in this new life, convinced him that Axel wouldn't understand him now.

Even now, when Axel is spinning countless tales of his time as a human, he's reminded how hard it is to relate to any of it. He can't conjure up memories of his past like Axel. Only shared vague snippets of Sora's life. Ones that he never feels too comfortable sharing (or really accessing most of the time) since they're not his. He doesn't have fun stories of hanging out with his friends in crazy places or eating so much that he considered never eating again. At least ones that Axel wasn't already there for or ones that weren't just artificial implants. He doesn't know most of the places or things Axel references. He barely even understands why they have to change their clothes to sleep when they never did back in the castle.

But more than anything, he wants to find a way to fit himself into this picture, to know that he belongs here. That the distance between him and his human-come-Nobody-come-human friend isn't as vast as it seems during times like these. He just needs to keep building memories, keep feigning humanity until it starts to feel real.

He comes out of his thoughts just in time to catch the clothes Axel tosses at him. He smiles again at the elaborately detailed creature (it sort of reminds him of the Dustflier only a lot more majestic). "Now, this one's cool." And definitely Axel's style.

[hollabastiongirl]

Axel huffs a put-upon sigh as yet another sulky blond kid insults his favorite starter weapons from years and years ago. “No respect, I tell you,” he grumbles, though only a moment later he’s grinning again, clearly not as aggravated as Roxas may’ve believed him to be. He knows they were a little lame, but they’d meant a lot to him at the time. Served him well in practice, anyway. He definitely prefers the chakrams now, though. The weight of them in his hands is a comfort, even more so than any keyblade could be. Not that he’s used it since the Keyblade Graveyard. So not his thing.

He may have missed Roxas calling his name, but he doesn’t miss the way his eyes go cloudy and dark like the ocean amidst a storm. There’s treasure buried beneath the surface, a hoarded wealth of emotions and thoughts that Axel isn’t privy to. Whatever it is that Roxas is keeping inside, it’s casting a troubled shadow across his face; a thundercloud blanketing the light of the sun. Axel doesn’t like it at all. There’s been too much of that look today already, but he can’t even guess what brought it back.

He pauses, wracking his brain. What had they just been talking about? Silly pajamas, right? Cereal box tops? Huh. Is it about Axel mentioning his past, maybe? But isn’t that what Roxas wants? Hadn’t he just said he likes getting to know Axel better? Is he doing something wrong?

Before he can ask anything about it, however, the storm passes. Roxas examines his shirt and smiles, that little curve of his lips brightening his whole face. Axel’s relieved, but the previously building tension that suddenly drains from his body makes him all the more tired. He really needs to take a fucking nap before he suffers anymore emotional whiplash.

“You can have it if it fits okay,” Axel says around a yawn, scratching at the back of his head in mild agitation. Damn it. He’s starting to feel a little twitchy, the way he gets after too many nights of poor sleep. “Someone should get to wear it, anyway, and it’s too small for me now. I’m gonna go get changed. Back in a sec.”

It doesn’t take him long despite the part of him that wants to stall. He’s in and out of the bathroom in under ten minutes, coming out looking far more relaxed in his comfortable clothes, his previous outfit bundles in his arms. The pajama bottoms he’s wearing are still silky soft after all these years, though they do hang a little low on his hips since he’s taller now than he was back then. Thankfully there’s a drawstring to tie so they don’t slip off.

As he puts his dirty clothes in the cheap wicker hamper sitting in the corner that he bought recently, he mumbles to Roxas, “your turn. Only if you want to, though. I just don’t like sleeping in my regular clothes.” He never has, even during the Organization days. He practically slept naked rather than lounge around in that stupid coat, but obviously he keeps that tidbit of info to himself. “If you’re more comfortable in what you’re wearing, that’s fine.”

[terribletwos]

The huffy sigh earns another smirk from Roxas. Mostly because he knows Axel is putting on the act for his sake. And probably Axel's own. Injecting levity wherever he can, as is his habit. Axel never did like dwelling on serious things for too long when he could avoid it. Though now Roxas has more appreciation for the reason behind that.

"Okay," Roxas agrees about the shirt. He starts to shrug off his jacket when Axel slip into the other room. That's another human thing that confuses him sometimes. This idea that people aren't supposed to see each other changing clothes. Is it supposed to be some kind of mystery?

He brings the shirt to his chest while Axel is busy with dressing himself. Axel had said it was too small for him, but it still seems a little long on Roxas, reaching almost to his knees. It's also one of the loosest things Roxas has ever been presented with. While the Organization cloaks were one piece, they were still heavy and kind of smothering. His casual look, on the other hand, was layers upon layers. The shirt feels almost flimsy in comparison. The same could be said about the bottoms.

Roxas starts to rub some of the shirt fabric between his thumb and index finger, just as Axel reappears. He looks even less like himself than before. Such loose clothing should look totally out of place on the Organization's former assassin. The way it dips a bit in the neckline, revealing more skin that even Axel's new civilian look. The bits of shirt that sometimes cling to Axel's side or his back. It's honestly hard for Roxas to take his eyes off him. He looks so... free. And exposed. Roxas is pretty sure only one other person has ever seen Axel like this. The thought makes him feel stupidly special.

Also hard to not notice is the bit of skin peeking out from Axel's low-hanging pants. Maybe it's just the teasing angle piquing his constant curiosity, but the hint of flesh makes his insides roll unexpectedly.

He's relieved when Axel's voice demands his attention once more. "Huh? Oh, it's fine. I should get used to it anyway." He tears his gaze away from Axel to hurry into the bathroom, as the intense heat from before makes an unwanted return.

Thankfully, he's got enough clothing layers to work through that shedding each piece seems to bring his internal temperature back down. Especially once he swaps everything for the too big sleeping outfit. He's not quite swimming in the shirt but he still feels like it should billow when he moves. And the pants don't hang too much once he knots the drawstring a few times. Though it would be awesome if they didn't feel like they were almost falling off.

He carries his other clothes with him, as he steps back into the main room, glancing at the hamper where Axel tossed his previous outfit. It's dumb, but he's somewhat reluctant to part with them. They were, after all, one of the few things that he could claims as his. "Um, where should I put these?"

His gaze shifts to the side, as he asks. Does he look as lost in these clothes as he feels? How had Axel managed to make this look so natural? He feels like he's wearing a disguise.

"So... does it look all right?" he asks before he can stop himself, feeling immediately embarrassed. What sort of question is that?

[hollabastiongirl]

Axel blinks as Roxas hurries to the bathroom, puzzled at the faint dusting of pink across his cheeks. He looks down at himself with a frown, hoping he didn’t somehow make him uncomfortable. Sure, the pants ride a little low compared to the shortness of the thin tank, which exposes the narrow cut of his hips and a dark smattering of red hair on his lower abdomen that trails underneath his waistband, but it’s not like he’s indecent. Maybe Roxas just isn’t used to seeing so much skin from him. Makes sense.

Resolving to shrug it off with a sigh, he situates himself in a lazy sprawl on the bed, gummi-phone in hand. By the time Roxas returns he’s answered a few texts from Isa and Xion, and is aimlessly scrolling his Kingstagram feed. Terra sure does post a lot of workout videos. He’s in the middle of watching one on mute when Roxas’ voice recaptures his attention, glancing up from the screen with a blank look. Where should he put what? “Oh,” he says, noting the wad of clothes in Roxas’ arms, “the hamper is fine. Once I come out of my coma I’ll do some laundry, okay?” Is it just Axel, or does he look a little reluctant to part with them? “I’ll get ‘em right back to ya, I promise.”

He assumes that’s all the direction Roxas will need, ready to go back to his phone and tease Terra about being allergic to shirts in the comments, but Roxas once again asks him a question, this one more jarring than the last. Huh? Frowning, Axel gives Roxas’ form a quick sweep with his eyes, though in hindsight it may’ve been a mistake. Seeing Roxas in his clothes ignites something uncomfortably hot in the pit of his belly, accompanied by a rush of what he would hesitate to call possessiveness but doesn’t have any other word for. He likes it, is what he’s thinking. A little too much, even though the entire ensemble doesn’t actually do his figure any favors. It dwarfs him, in fact, but Axel finds the whole thing ridiculously adorable.

“Uhh, hmm?” Shit, Roxas asked him something, right? Axel shakes himself out of his thoughtful haze and nods, forcing his eyes back up to Roxas’ increasingly hesitant face. “Yeah, man, it looks fine. I mean, obviously that stuff’s a little big for you, but you make it work.” What is he even saying? Shut the hell up already, dude. Damn. But of course, he doesn’t. Axel’s always letting his mouth run like a leaky faucet, so he continues with, “I like it. You look really—cute.”

Oh, god. Horrified, his face burns. Did he really just say that out loud?

[terribletwos]

Roxas feels a little silly that he has to be reassured by Axel that he'll take good care of his clothes. Even sillier that it actually makes him feel better about adding them to the pile in the hamper, as he nods back at Axel. "I can help with that. It sounds like a good thing to learn about." Especially if he's going to be staying with other people for a while. He might as well help them keep things clean.

If Roxas felt weirdly self conscious about his question toward his appearance before, he feels ten times worse when he notices Axel looking up from this Gummi Phone, meaning that he's interrupting him with his dumb anxieties. That frown doesn't help his overall mood either, as he tries to pull himself together enough to come up with a way to soften his previous ask. But then Axel's cursory look turns into something more lingering, and Roxas can't bring himself to turn away again. Is that a good look or a bad look? One thing's for sure, Axel's definitely taking his question seriously.

Roxas straightens up his posture so Axel can get a proper look. Though maybe there's a part of him that honestly likes being looked at this way by Axel. Even if he knows he looks awkward at best. There's a tickling urge in his brain to show off. He doesn't even notice that hand that's found its way to his hip in a haphazardly cocky pose.

A tiny smile works its way across his lips as Axel tells him he's somehow making things work. The words certainly make his heart skip a beat or two, but he embraces the feeling, finding himself surprisingly satisfied for the assessment. It does wonders to force away those clinging doubts about his place in this world, but it also makes him embarrassingly happy that Axel seems to like it. Likes the way he looks. Since when has he ever cared about that? Then again, since when has he really had a chance to show himself off, aside from the time he taught Axel to fly. This almost feels better.

"You look really--cute."

All of those lovely thoughts can to a noisy, screeching halt. Cute? Like something small and harmless? Is that how he looks? A petulant frown replaces his smile. What's that even supposed to mean? And why is Axel's face so red now?

"What's cute about it?" he counters defensively, posture deflating. "It's not my fault you're taller than most people I know. Anyone would look small in your stuff."

[hollabastiongirl]

“Sure,” Axel says agreeably, trying ignore the sour twinge in his gut at the reminder of Roxas’ worldly inexperience. It’s best not to think about it. It’s best not to think about any of it—the inexperience, or the way Axel has fallen in love with him despite that. Makes him feel a little slimy, like he’s taking advantage of Roxas’ naivety even though he can’t exactly choose the way his heart reacts. He’s not trying to be a creep.

He sure feels like one, though, as Roxas preens under his attention, the smug little jut of his hip and the way his hand rests upon it drawing Axel’s eyes like a magnet. Something simmers under his skin at the sight, deepening his bodily flush—Roxas seems to like Axel looking at him, and the very thought makes his head swim the way downing a straight shot of whiskey does. It burns the same too, like Axel is a moth caught in Roxas’ flame. He’s so bright it’s dizzying, the heady rush of affection in his veins making Axel stupidly tongue-tied.

It’s fortunate, then, that his mouth gets away from him as usual. His thoughtless words are the incantation that break whatever spell that’s been unwittingly cast over him, Roxas’ shy smile quickly dropping into a gaping scowl. ”What’s cute about it?” he’s grumbling, clearly put off by the idea. His hissy blond kitten look is back with a vengeance. ”It's not my fault you're taller than most people I know. Anyone would look small in your stuff."

“That’s—“ Before he can stop himself, Axel bursts out laughing, any lingering heat chased away by the delicate delight bubbling in his chest like sweet champagne. Roxas looks so damn petulant, as if cute is somehow an insult rather than a compliment. How very like him. He’d be horrified to know his whole pissy act makes him look even cuter. Palming incredulously at his face with one hand, Axel says, still chuckling, “I’m sorry, okay? My mistake. I wasn’t trying to insult you. Just, don’t worry about it. You look fine, really. No one here but you and me anyway, so relax. C’mon, Rox. Come to bed.”

Axel settles back against the pillow with one last soft huff of laughter, placing his phone on the bedside table and switching off the lamp. He’d drawn closed the blackout curtains while Roxas was in the bathroom but there’s still plenty of ambient light from the TV for him to see by, so Axel doesn’t worry about him tripping over anything.

“Sorry it’s not more comfortable,” he mumbles about the bed, eyelids already slipping closed as he snuggles under the blanket. He’s only just now remembering how tired he is. Kind of floaty, too, after all that laughing. It’s left him very relaxed and unthinking, loose-tongued. “When we get our own place, we’ll buy the best damn mattress this town has to offer. Mm, I’m talking, ‘sleeping on a cloud’ good.”

[terribletwos]

That frown deepens when Axel starts laughing. Great, now he'll never know what that was about. (And the flushed look in gone too. So that's like a double fail.) He decides to give up on his explanations for now (the shortened version of his name being more disarming than anything else), in hopes of allowing Axel to get the rest he's been looking forward to since they left the mansion. At least Axel didn't say he looked weird. Cute is probably the best he can hope for, given the circumstances. What was he expecting Axel to call him anyway?

He runs a hand through his hair to settle his racing mind and makes his way to the bed. Even without the soft light, he'd have no trouble with it. After all, he's someone from the dark. Had he really said something so pretentious back then? Well, he had been really bitter.

The bed is a bit harder than the one he sort of remembers from the simulation but still better than anything in the Organization or even Hayner's couch. But he's not really thinking much about that, as he peers at the person who's already starting to doze off beneath the covers. "It's fine," he mutters, lying down on his side so he can keep watching Axel.

His closed-eye look is just as beautiful as his full-hearted smile, just in a different, more intimate way. Like watching the last hues of daylight sink into the horizon for the night, knowing when the light returns in the morning, it will blaze brighter than ever. Roxas doesn't reach for him this time, doesn't do anything that might jeopardize his rest. Just being here already has him feeling heady and pleased. The bubbles in his stomach can do whatever they want.

Those bubbles turn into a monsoon the second Axel's yawning "when we get our own place" registers in Roxas' ears. He's wide awake now! He pushes himself half up on his side, delirious shock on his face. It doesn't even matter that Axel probably didn't mean it, that it's just half-asleep babble. It's everything Roxas could ask for. The most profound joy gleams in his eyes, a blinding luminescence in the faded light of the room. Goodbye, hissy kitten.

"You still want to live together?" he asks in breathless exhilaration. "Me, you and Xion?"

[hollabastiongirl]

“Mm?” Axel hums, jerked away from the tantalizingly close edge of unconsciousness by Roxas’ bursting excitement. He cracks open bleary eyes to meet Roxas’ gaze as best he can, face twisted in slack-jawed bemusement as he tries to remember what he’d even said to elicit such a boisterous response. Some nonsense about a cloud? Or a mattress maybe? Did Roxas say something about him and Xion?

Oh, right. Living together. He’d definitely mumbled something like that. Oops.

“‘Course I do,” he says, voice like honey spread on toast, sweet but scratchy underneath. Being so close to sleep has left Axel vulnerable in a way he almost never is, his reconstructed heart open on his sleeve for only Roxas to see. It’s fine, he figures. Roxas is part of the reason why it beats anyway. He should get to access what he helped to pay for. “I couldn’t ask for anything better. Mm, and it’ll happen, okay? Promise.” He reaches out to brush aside a few stray strands of hair that’ve fallen into Roxas’ eyes, seeking to meet them even in the darkness before he falls asleep. He’s almost there, really, but as he lets his hand drop between them and his eyelids flutter closed, Axel hears himself say, soft and sleepy, “night, Rox. Sweet dreams.”

Then he’s gone and under, lost to his own dreams.

Since the curtains are drawn to block out the morning light, what ends up waking Axel much later is a tickle against his throat. He’s so damn comfortable though, even on this shitty mattress, that at first he tries to ignore it. Only it keeps happening, and when he finally does go to swat whatever it is away he’s surprised to find that his right arm is more or less trapped under the press of a warm body. In fact, that whole side is overly hot, as though there’s a person against him. That certainly brings him around to wakefulness, quicker than any alarm clock ever could.

Startled and disoriented he blinks open his eyes, realizing with a single downwards glance that Roxas’ head is tucked neatly under his chin to rest against his chest. All that spiky blond hair against his sensitive neck explains the tickle, but how the hell did they end up like this, anyway? He fell asleep on his back—which he still is—but he definitely didn’t have an arm looped around Roxas’ shoulders, cuddling him to his chest the way he normally does a pillow. And if that by itself isn’t alarming enough, one of Roxas’ arms is draped lazily across his abdomen, Axel’s other hand curled gently against his forearm to complete the embrace.

Shit, Axel thinks wildly, though he’s trying to stay calm in spite of the way his heartbeat picks up. If he tenses up too much, he’ll probably disturb his bedmate. Or will the pounding of his heart rouse him? Shit, how do I get out of this without waking him up? What if he’s a light sleeper? Fuck, he’s gonna wake up any second and then what the hell am I gonna say? Goddamn it, what do I do?

He’s frozen under the weight of his decision far more than he is Roxas, though somewhere distantly in the back of his mind, a little voice that could be his own whispers, i could get used to this.

[terribletwos]

"Right! We'll find a place perfect for all three of us!" Roxas grips the sheets to keep from hurling himself at Axel in elation. The effort is so ridiculously hard right now.

It feels very Sora but his body practically thrums with ecstatic energy, so much that he half worries he's going to shake off his Replica form completely. All of his emotions are so much more now, throwing his still hyper sensitive heart into a frenzy.

And the sleepy almost sultry tone of Axel's voice only makes it that much harder to remain still, as his stomach tightens and a burst of heat races up his spine. How is Axel able to affect his body with just his voice? He finds himself nibbling on his lip to do something about the excess excitement.

His breath catches audibly when Axel's fingers just miss ghosting his hair. He follows Axel's falling hand with his gaze, releasing that breath in a soft exhale. There's a sudden nagging urge to grab that hand, to press it to his cheek and absorb all its warmth, the touch Axel's weariness denied him. He fights it back with another slow swallow, bringing his gentle look back to Axel's dozing face. He smiles and lies back on his pillow, keeping his face turned so he doesn't have to lose this rare and precious sight. Axel completely vulnerable before him, trusting him with everything.

"Night, Axel," he murmurs into the quiet.

He intends to keep to himself. The last thing he wants is to wake Axel with an unexpected touch or even uncustomary body heat. He is committed to his mission to ensure Axel gets a restful sleep and is fully prepared to stay up himself to achieve it. Unfortunately, the slow rise and fall of Axel's chest, the faint echo of snores and occasional flutter of those expressive lashes gradually starts to lull him into sleep's clutches. His attempts to stave off the inevitability with light head shakes or rapid blinking grow weaker and weaker. Until he begins to sink...

Maybe it's the uneasy feeling of going under that has him reaching out for the lifeline, throwing an arm over Axel's chest. The immediate warmth is so inviting; he curls closer, his head resting on something slightly less giving than the mattress but infinitely more cozy. Vaguely, he registers that he likes this so much more than the empty space that has always accompanied his sleep. It's as though this is the way things are supposed to be. The thought is the last to grace his mind as a different kind of darkness, one far more kind and peaceful, claims him.

He partly awakes to the soft cadence of thumps directly beneath his ear. The sound is soothing, almost like the undulating waves of the ocean, enough to make him snuggle more against the surface he's lying on and cuddle even closer until his body is entirely flush with the source of that sound. A cloying warmth clings to him, discouraging from opening his eyes, from breaking the spell of such all encompassing comfort. Like being wrapped in a tender embrace. One he recognizes so very well.

"Axel," he breathes, imagining himself pressed against that chest once more. Part of him wonders if it's strange to have such thoughts. Part of him doesn't care. The contentment they bring is worth it. "Stay here."

[hollabastiongirl]

Axel’s internal temperature spikes sharply as Roxas wriggles his way closer, cheek pressed reverently against the spot where Axel’s heart beats a frantic tattoo against the cage of his ribs. The breathy sigh Axel hears that wraps around his name like gossamer startles him, sure he’s been caught red-handed (though really, how can this be his fault when he doesn’t even remember it happening??), but as Roxas mumbles a quiet command and settles down again, he realizes with a distant horror that his friend is still most of the way asleep. He has no earthly clue what he’s doing right now, half-lost in a dream.

Axel should definitely, definitely wake him up.

It’s difficult, though, to want to. The words, ”stay here,” have burrowed their way into his mind like a treacherous snake, bringing along with it a forbidden fruit for Axel to taste. You don’t have to wake him up yet, the serpent in his ear hisses, soft and seductive like temptation incarnate. Enjoy this while you can. You don’t know if you’ll ever get another chance. Aren’t you comfortable? Isn’t it nice to have him safely in your arms?

Yes, he thinks, I am. And yes, he agrees, it is. It’s nice. Very nice. If I could do this for hours, I probably would. He’s always been the lazy type. Spending a day like this would be a gift.

But it’s a gift without meaning if Roxas doesn’t know what’s happening. Axel’s been worrying himself sick enough already about taking advantage of him, and he’s not about to stop caring now. If anything, this only makes him care more. Roxas may want this, and that’s fine, but he can’t say one way or another while he’s out cold.

With a subdued sigh, Axel uses the arm that’s still looped around Roxas’ shoulder to shake him gently, attempting to rouse him without a fuss. “Roxas, hey,” he says, voice still inevitably husky from sleep and disuse, “it’s time to wake up. C’mon, sunshine, up and at ‘em. It’s beach day.”

It’s going to be awkward like this, he already knows. But trying to disentangle himself would probably wake him up anyway, and at least this way Roxas will know what’s been going on. He’s not trying to keep secrets anymore, as embarrassing as this is. They can have a horrible, tense conversation about it and then never speak of it again. Sounds good to him.

[terribletwos]

The slight motion is enough to snap Roxas' eyes open, even amid his nexus of comfort. His mind immediately latches on his name and Axel's voice, something about beach day. He quickly lifts his head, trying to reorient himself despite the the remnants of sleep still trying to drag him back into dreamland (it was a nice dream too). One his his hands shifts to push himself up, only to find unexpected resistance beneath it. He glances down to learn what he had assumed to be the mattress was in fact Axel's chest. It's about a split second later that he becomes aware of his actual position, practically clinging to his best friend. His eyes widen in surprise.

"Shit, sorry!" the curse tumbles from his mouth, temporarily borrowed from its liberal user beside him, as he tries to sit up. How had managed this? He was supposed to be making sure Axel got a real rest, and now he probably woke him up with his growing need for physical contact.

He stills when he notices the faint shadows of light on the curtains. What time is it? Is it already morning? Sunshine. Hadn't Axel said something about sunshine? He blinks in the direction of the window. Did that mean he hadn't woken Axel after all?

A light weight shifts on his shoulder, drawing his attention back to it. To Axel's arm, still partially draped over that shoulder. So he hadn't been dreaming about the embrace after all. Axel really had been holding him while they slept. And Roxas really had been sleeping on his chest. The realization leaves him dizzy.

But at least he's less desperate to break away now. Though after how weird Axel had been about the whole bed-sharing thing, he has to wonder whether their position was accidental on Axel's part as well. Had they really managed to just drift toward one another in their sleep? Almost like there was some kind of unconscious pull. That connection they had always shared evolving with the new emotional range of their hearts. Maybe Roxas was evolving too...

He hurriedly reaches for Axel's arm, pressing a hand against it in case Axel tries to remove it in response to his initial panic. "Actually... is this okay?" The bed situation? Their closeness? Him not wanting to lose this feeling of Axel drawing him close? He's not sure what he's asking about anymore. "I just want another minute." So he can fully memorize this moment, store it somewhere safe which his thoughts to be called upon when the doubts become too much. This moment of true belonging.

Or is it, those doubts attempt to taunt him even now. Had Axel been thinking about him at all when he wound his arm around the warm body lying next to him? What if it was just a reflexive action? An unconscious grasp at a memory?

He presses harder on that hand. That doesn't make sense. As self conscious as Axel is, he would have tried to disentangle himself before waking Roxas if that were the case. Right?

"Is this what you were so worried about?" His doubts overtake his tongue, although his tone remains quiet. "It's... nice." Where did that come from?

[hollabastiongirl]

Roxas’ shock doesn’t come as a surprise, though the cursing does, a little bit. Axel doesn’t think he’s ever heard him use a word like that before, at least not that he can remember. It’s almost assuredly his fault, too. And while the thought makes his lips begin to twitch into a self-satisfied smirk, he suppresses it, trying to keep very still and serious as Roxas works to disentangle his confusion. It won’t do to freak him out more than he already is.

Axel’s patience pays off, too. Roxas settles down surprisingly quick, hand groping for the arm Axel’s still got wrapped around him to keep it there. He doesn’t want Axel to let go, just like in the depths of his dreams. ”Stay here.” This time, Axel can’t even hope to hold back the grin that tugs at his lips, small and smug. There’s a livewire beneath his skin, every part of him buzzing with the satisfaction that Roxas’ words bring. Roxas wants to stay like this, if only for minute, and Axel’s heart punches wildly against the wall of his chest in tacit agreement.

“Of course it’s okay,” he manages to say around the heady taste of nectar on the back of his tongue. The fruit is even sweeter when it’s not forbidden, he’s finding. He savors the flavor, bringing his other arm up to wrap Roxas in an even fuller embrace and savor him, too. “Take as many minutes as you want.” Take all my minutes, I don’t care. “You know me, I’m not in a rush to get up in the morning.”

Something still seems to bother Roxas, however, the hand on his arm pressing down harder. What’s he thinking about? Is this too much, he wonders? The full-on cuddling experience? Maybe he should’ve kept it to one arm only.

Before he can move, though, Roxas asks him a pointed question, reminding him of his own doubts from last night. He’d wanted to sleep on the floor rather than chance something like this. Even though—”It’s…nice.”

“Yeah,” Axel dares to agree out loud, trying to be brave for both their sakes, “it really is. It’s just…ya know, after yesterday. I didn’t want to freak you out like that again, and I know I’m pretty cuddly in my sleep. Just ask all my pillows.” It’s a joke that lands wrong, the wince in his voice obvious. He sounds friggin’ pathetic. A sad, lonely loser with only cotton fluff to snuggle with. “Don’t take that the wrong way, though,” he’s quick to add, realizing it also sounds a little callous. As though he’d hold anyone given half the chance. That’s not true. “It’s not like…I wouldn’t do this with just anyone, okay? I, uh…I don’t want to do this with anyone but you.”

Shit, there. He said it. Hopefully it doesn’t blow up in his face; it’s burning hot enough as it is.